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MONDAY 09.27.04 Know what? Screw it. I was going to try and maintain the dual-blog format through the month to give people some transition time. But the month is almost over and I barely have time for one blog, never-you-mind two. So, what I mean to say is: We're done here. It's been fun. But we're moving. Maybe it will be a mistake. But, like cheap booze, the old hand-coded blog will always be here for me if I need it. So, kids, we're going over here. SATURDAY 09.25.04 It's a landmark day, kids. I finally got cable. I'm amazed by the new television choices I have. I mean, right now I could watch I Love the 90's, Celebrity Poker Showdown, Days of Thunder, World Poker Tour... uh... World Series of... um... Poker. WHY ARE THERE THREE POKER SHOWS ON AT THE SAME TIME?! (Post comments at the new place...) THURSDAY 09.23.04 Watched the Late Late Show Tuesday night. Drew Carey was the host. It was weird to watch because the music was the same... the set was the same... even Gibby was there. But no Kilborn. It was just weird to have somebody else inserted into that role. Kinda like the second Becky on Roseanne. Carey did, however, seem very comfortable hosting the show and kicked it off with a good joke: "I had lunch at McDonald's today. Turns out for an extra 39 cents you get to host this show." This was a marked difference from last night's host, D.L. Hugley, who looked like he couldn't have possibly been more uncomfortable. What really made it unwatchable was his comedic delivery was... well... it went something like this: Begin telling first joke. Serious. Serious. Serious. Serious. Deliver punchline. Big smile. Laugh at own joke. Begin telling second joke. Serious. Serious. Serious. Serious. Deliver punchline. Big smile. Laugh at own joke. Brutal. But don't forget to set your VCRs next week. Guest host: Michael Ian Black (Don't forget the new place...) SATURDAY 09.18.04 WEEK IN REVIEW: The Pioneer Press launched a tweak of their design last week. Looks like they ditched the left-side rail but added promos to the bottom of the page. I think their new front page is an improvement. Meanwhile at the St. Pete Times, they just launched a youth tab called TBT. It's headed up by Anne Glover, who I worked for when I was interning there. They've got a pretty slick Web site and they seem to have hopped on the Griffith Gothic train along with the Merc, Red Streak, the Denver Post... yeesh. Is Griffith the new Interstate? Hurricane Ivan slammed into the Gulf Coast. There were some fantastic photos from the aftermath but my favorite came before the storm hit. It was taken in the French Quarter by Bill Haber of the Associated Press. Check it out. And lastly, the Rocky had my favorite Assault Weapons Ban front page. BACK IN BLACK: Jeffy and I went to see Lewis Black at the Improv in San Jose on Thursday. He took the stage carrying a bottle of water and a copy of Thursday's Mercury News. Among his observations, as best as I can reconstruct them: ON THE MERC: "What's this? You've got a story on traffic? On the front page? Where's the news? I know there's fucking traffic here! I don't even live here! I don't need a newspaper to tell me that. Imagine you're some guy getting up in the morning. You have your coffee, you look at this story about all the traffic and think to yourself, 'Fuck! I'm going back to bed.' " ON SAN JOSE: "You know why you have so much traffic? Too many fucking people. Too many. Fucking. People. There was a big boom and you all moved here because you were making tons of money. Then that went away so you figured you'd leave. But then you couldn't. Because there were no jobs. And now you're all stuck here. Everytime I come here they're building more stuff. Right down the street they're building another, well, another of what passes for a skyscraper in this town. It's probably more apartments. You people have more apartments than any town I've ever seen. Here's an idea: Build a fucking store. Build. A fucking. Store. You've got all these empty storefronts here and all these people moving into apartments. You know what that is? A riot waiting to happen." ON THE ELECTION: "Lot of important issues. Lot of important issues. The economy. Iraq. Health care. Terrorism. President Bush keeps telling us that he's made us safer. Meanwhile he lets the assault weapons ban lapse. What? I mean, those terrorists... they're crafty sons of bitches. But now we're just letting them buy assault weapons on the street? What, did they need a leg-up? Lot of important issues. Meanwhile your newspaper has a story about a shark. But I guess that's understandable. They're ferocious." Nice that he could bring the whole thing back to ripping on my job. (Don't forget the new place...) MONDAY 09.13.04 So, I think it's pretty cool that DePauw now has this 400-some acre Nature Park, but am I the only one that thinks it's odd that DePauw has a Park Ranger? PUNKY QB ON COMEBACK TOUR: Many a Chicago sports fan will remember 1985 not only as the last time the Bears won a Super Bowl, but also as the Year of the Shuffle. Walter Payton, Mike Singletary, Jim McMahon and the rest of the Bears recorded the "rap" video for charity but, in what was obviously some sort of mix-up, it was actually nominated for a Grammy. Really. Anyway, while I'm sure you all have a copy of it on VHS, you most certainly don't have the digitally re-mastered Super Bowl Shuffle 20th Anniversary Collectors Edition DVD. Call now to pre-order! DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU... After a string of animated blockbusters such as Brother Bear, Treasure Planet, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, The Emperor's New Groove, The Lion King 1 1/2, Cinderella II: Dreams Come True and, of course, Atlantis: Milo's Return, Disney CEO Michael Eisner says he will retire when his contract is up next year. That could open the door to bring Pixar back into the Disney fold. Eisner played hardball with Steve Jobs when it came time to renew Pixar's production deal with Disney. Thing is, Disney's only cinematic asset other than Pixar is Hillary Duff. Jobs ended negotiations... but didn't bother signing another deal with a different studio. The two companies are still under contract to work together through 2006, so maybe a new deal will be hammered out once Eisner is sipping smoothies on the beach in Malibu. SPEAKING OF MALIBU: I drove down to visit Dan and Angie for the day last week. I posted some pictures here. IN OTHER NEWS: The Soup Nazi plans nationwide franchises and South of the Border has a Web site. Who knew? (Don't forget the new place...) THURSDAY 09.09.04 WHY I (HEART) THE INTERNET: At 3:32 a.m. my house is shaking. I'm thinking, "Woah, earthquake. Wonder where..." At 3:33 a.m. I have my answer. Eat it, CNN. (Don't forget the new place...) WEDNESDAY 09.08.04 CBS has lined up some guest hosts for the Late Late Show. Michael Ian Black fans rejoice. But I'll do you one better: The Freep says David Sedaris will be hosting some shows as well. Of course, you might be thinking, "Doesn't he live in France or somesuch?" Which is why it makes more sense that Amy Sedaris will be hosting some shows. Turns out they are different people. ALSO: I know something you don't know. (Don't forget the new place...) LABOR DAY 09.06.04 So, a couple weeks ago I saw this story in the Chronicle about the resurgence of expensive restaurants in San Francisco and the Bay Area. The story says local restaurants are shaking off the post-dot-com, post-Sept. 11 blues. Some of the restaurants it talks about include Michael Mina's Restaurant Michael Mina, Daniel Patterson's Frisson, and George Morrone's Tartare. It was a good story. So today I saw this story in USA Today about the resurgence of expensive restaurants around the country. The USA Today story says that while new restaurants are opening everywhere, the brightest spot is in... San Francisco. Which was hit hard after Sept. 11... and the dot-com bust... Then it talks about some of San Francisco's new restaurants like... Michael Mina's Restaurant Michael Mina... Daniel Patterson's Frisson... and George Morrone's Tartare. There are a lot of restaurants in this country. A bit odd that USA Today chose to write about the same exact restaurants the Chronicle wrote about. A bit odd. With the USA Today story was a list of about 30 new hot restaurants opening around the country, one of which was Gabriel Viti's Miramar Bistro, which just opened in Highwood, down the street from my dad. I haven't eaten there, but it looks like a cool place. Kinda reminds me of a cross between Schiller's Liquor Bar and Balthazar in New York. GMAIL IS THE NEW ORKUT: Fortt has been handing out Gmail accounts. So I figured I should too. Who wants one? First come, first served. (Don't forget the new place...) SATURDAY 09.04.04 AND WE'RE BACK! Sorry for the absence, but the staff here at the site was busy in New York covering the Republican Convention. You may have seen our Editorial Intern, Mallory, who was one of several women hauled out of the convention by security during Bush's speech. Okay, not really. But wouldn't it have been awesome if that were true? I mean, not that disrupting conventions is cool. It's not. I don't care if all your friends are doing it. As it was, Republicans had their hands full making sure Michael Moore didn't try anything funny. And speaking of trying anything funny, what was up with the Bush twins? Did the speechwriter forget that these two have graduated from college? They couldn't muster up something intelligent for them to say about the Republican Party? It seems like they could have been the perfect people to speak to the younger generation of voters about the importance of being involved in politics. Instead, they were doing lines like: "Who is this man they call Dick Cheney?" Ha ha. Get it? Two college graduates don't know who the Vice President is. Funny stuff. I (HEART) PURCHASES: I've been a little stressed out this week, but I've figured out a surefire way to combat it: Mindless Consumerism. I went to Fry's last night to buy something. Anything. Didn't matter. I wound up with a new phone/answering machine (that muffled sound you hear is the collective "huzzah!" from everyone who has ever tried to leave me a message) and the Freaks and Geeks DVDs. Haven't used the phone yet, but the DVDs were a GREAT purchase. I never saw the show when it aired (I know, I blame myself) so it's like getting a fresh dose of Undeclared. This has also got me thinking that Seth Rogan should have his own show. And Linda Cardellini might get me to watch ER. Might. IN OTHER BLOGS: Rocker Tommy Lee will not be attending DePauw University for a new NBC reality show. I'd write more but John and T-Ball have it covered. ANNOUNCEMENT: I think I'm done with this blog. I've had it. It's a lot of coding... it takes a lot of time... kidding! But really, what if we just move the whole shebang to Blogger? I've been secretly mirroring this thing on a new, slicked up blog at kenneymarlatt.com/blog for about a month. Check it out. Kick the tires. Look in the attic. Tell me what you think. If nothing else, it should load faster. Maybe we'll move over there permanently in another month or so. MONDAY 08.30.04 So I got an e-mail from a girl I dated when I was in college. She's engaged and is getting married next spring. This now adds to the growing list of people I have dated that have gotten married or are currently engaged. But here's the kicker: They are all doing so in exact chronological order, i.e. the order in which I dated them. So that's weird. THREE WORDS: Gar. Den. State. IN OTHER NEWS: Friendster has sold out. SATURDAY 08.28.04 So I just watched the last Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. In the epilogue we found out that: As the years passed, Craig immersed himself in charitable works, but most of his time was spent on his one true passion.Awesome. I think I'm still in shock that the show is over. I guess now I know how all those Tom Snyder fans feel. You know, I've always been kinda surprised by the number of people that really dislike Kilborn. Women especially. I only knew one woman who ever liked his show... and I'm pretty sure she was just humoring me. But the thing was, it wasn't that people didn't like the show, they didn't like him. I think those people were just never in on the joke. Anyhoo, I will leave you with a little Kilby haiku: Don't cry for Craigers Have a scotch, rocks, by the pool It's Guy Code, okay? THURSDAY 08.26.04 So that link I had yesterday changed. I fixed it, but while I was searching the Web for another link to the photo I came across this post from "Rachael" that seemed to echo my concerns: 8/25/2004 7:06 PM RACHAELAbsolutely my point. People are watching there games for there body's not there actual volleyball. It's just not right. But I guess now that Beach Volleyball is over we don't have to worry about athletes being objectified because they -- oh wait, what's this? Synchronized Diving? Well, this should be okay. I can't imagine anything that would -- Oh for pete's sake! Ridiculous. WEDNESDAY 08.25.04 So I've read a number of articles about the Olympic Beach Volleyball team that make their sport sound like it's nothing but hot girls in bikinis frolicking in the sand. That really does a disservice to these athletes and I've done my best to try and discourage that attitude... but seriously, ladies, c'mon... you're not helping. TUESDAY 08.24.04 TORSO TAKES SILVER: Teeny Tiny Girl Squad! THIS JUST IN: Man, here I thought Teeny Tiny Girl Squad was the best I could do today. So I'm watching the Late Late Show. It's Kilborn's last week and, really, I'm quite distraught about this. But that's not the point. Tonight, and by "tonight" I mean "last night," Craig's guest was David Alan Grier. When I saw he was the guest I thought to myself, "hey, self! He was just in San Jose at the Improv!" D.A.G. sat down for his interview and, to my surprise, started talking about his trip up to San Jose. Among his observations: - San Jose's downtown sucksHe also made clear that after his set he took a trip to a strip club, which, in San Jose, has to be the Pink Poodle, the city's only such establishment. Classy, Grier. Real classy. SUNDAY 08.22.04 Go check out the TV spots that JetBlue has online. Hilarious. Maybe if I get fired I should try and get a job making funny ads. Because really, there are some tremendous commercials out there. FRIDAY 08.20.04 I love you, Billy. MONDAY 08.16.04 I guess you were out of town earlier this month. Stop. Forwarding me. That Jib-Jab thing. Are we clear? Do I need to put a Jib-Jab filter on my e-mail? This is way funnier... but no way does anybody forward that to me. SUNDAY 08.15.04 A QUICK MOMENT FOR US: Craig Kilborn is quitting his gig as host of the Late Late Show, so let's take a moment and look back at one of Kilby's This is SportsCenter commercials. Oh, what the heck. Here's another. I can't seem to find any clips from his stint on the Daily Show, so... we're going over here. The Daily News has suggested some replacements for the Craigers. But, honestly, Sarah Silverman wouldn't work on network TV (see, SNL career) and it's doubtful Vince Vaughn would leave his movie career -- although he would be entertaining. Chris Rock would have no reason to do it. Jimmy Fallon would be an instant hit but it's unlikely that he'd go up against Conan and Lorne Michaels. And Bonnie Hunt is not exactly going to appeal to the college crowd. Now that I think about it, that wasn't a very good column. SATURDAY 08.14.04 So I'm thinking that, for women, not-getting-a-tattoo is the new getting-a-tattoo. Think about it. If you see some woman with a midriff-baring shirt or low-rise jeans you pretty much expect to see some Chinese inscription inked into her back. It's not an expression of your individuality anymore, it's a confirmation of your conformity to trends. Which, of course, sucks for the people that got them first. THURSDAY 08.12.04 One of the kids from the DePauw newspaper posted some photos from last spring's staff party on the paper's bulletin board. I found one to be an eerie echo of the past... DAMN IT, MAHONEY: After the 80's gave us a dizzying run of six Police Academy movies in six years, many would have thought the Police Academy franchise was dead. (Don't even bring up 1994's Police Academy: Mission to Moscow. Just don't.) But -- and only God knows why -- over a decade after the last installment, Lassard and his cadets are back in uniform for Police Academy 8. Seriously. Police. Academy. Fucking 8. Really, guys. I totally lost interested after PA5: Assignment: Miami Beach. SUNDAY 08.08.04 So I went to the San Jose Jazz Festival yesterday. The music was good, but the event raised more questions than it answered. Questions such as:
IN OTHER NEWS: It seems the folks over at Fark have been selling links from their blog to the highest bidder. I was really stunned when I read that story. Stunned that none of the boneheads in the KenneyMarlatt.com finance department didn't think of that idea sooner! Ad reps take notice: This Web site attracts that elusive 22-35 demographic that you crave so much. Just think of the market-share gains you could make if your product or Web site were to be featured in one of my entries! Interested? Let's talk. BUSH QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." ALSO: Have you ever tried Bizrate.com? It's great. You can compare prices and save money on millions of products! Bizrate.com truly lives up to their promise of "Top Rated Shopping." [See how that would work? We'd integrate your ad right into the text! Nobody would have any idea what was editorial content and what was paid advertising! This is going to be a real win-win for both parties.] SATURDAY 08.07.04 Yesterday I saw a guy in the car next to us with one of those Lance Armstrong Live Strong Bracelets. You know, the little yellow bracelets whose proceeds go to fight cancer? Anyway, I could see he was wearing one because he was sticking his arm out his window to flick the ash off his cigarette. Right. Also, Matt and I went to the big Cubs/Giants game up at SBC Park. We're sitting in the bleachers and when Sosa comes up to bat these two guys behind us start shouting "CHECK HIS BAT! YOU GOT A CHEATER AT THE PLATE! CHEATER!" I chime in with "YEAH, CHEATER! WHY YOU TAKE THE CLEAR LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!" That shut them up. MORE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: So the Washington Post ran another Unity story. And while I pointed out a couple of things about it on T-Ball's site, I figured there was no sense in wasting a perfectly good post. So, if you read the story, you'll notice that: A) The Post story quoted three people from newspapers: One guy from the Chicago Tribune, the editor of the LAT, and two guys from the Merc. Really? TWO people from the Merc? I mean, I knew we were good on diversity, but I hope we don't have that much of a stranglehold on it. B) They sure are going the extra mile to break down stereotypes. "The Hispanic journalists will host a salsa party tonight, the Asian reporters a karaoke night Saturday." C) The editor of the LAT suggested that Unity throws the best party in journalism. I beg to differ. First, the story states that "last night the drink of choice was provided by Coca-Cola" and, frankly, that speaks for itself. But really, between Unity and SND, only one convention has an official beer sponsor -- and unless IKON Office Solutions, Inc. has come up with a new pilsner, it ain't Unity. IN OTHER NEWS: John points out that this is probably cancelled. FRIDAY 08.06.04 I'M DEAD, BITCH! Singer Rick James dies at age 56 CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: Slate has a scathing commentary on the media coverage of the Unity journalism convention. The piece wonders whether the Post will "return to the Washington Convention Center for the annual meeting of the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons (Feb. 25-26, 2005)." Of course, to the Post's credit, I doubt John Kerry and President Bush will be speaking at that event. And speaking of speaking, Poynter's Unity blog talks about the appropriateness of cheering Kerry (or, I guess, Bush) when they speak to a group of journalists. The suggestion is that journalists must - always - remain outwardly impartial. (You know, unless they are on cable television.) IN OTHER NEWS: Steve Wynn's new Las Vegas resort managed to land the only "touring" show for Avenue Q... and Michael Eisner took the wraps off a new Disney computer line targeted at kids. I guess he figures that if Steve Jobs can make hit movies... THURSDAY 08.05.04 Now you can get your spam in handy monologue format. AND: (Stealing and old comedy bit from Shepherd...) Getting a big bowl of Noodles at PF Changs before going out drinking in San Francisco for the night? Good idea. Deciding to go with the garlic noodles? Bad idea. I gotta have some Altoids around here somewhere... MONDAY 08.02.04 REAL QUICK: Steve Jobs was treated for cancer and I think I work at the only newspaper in the country that would take that story six columns... Will Ferrell is back as President Bush in an internet ad for ACT... Team America is coming soon to a theater near you... Nomar played his first game at Wrigley yesterday... And a Florida woman fired off a few shots at some lobster divers because "they was taking the lobster, and we're not going to have no more lobsters." SUNDAY 08.01.04 Okay, people. You've gotta stop forwarding me that Jib-Jab thing. I've seen it. Really... we've all seen it. The Jib-Jab thing was so July. It's over. Let's move on. SATURDAY 07.31.04 SNAPPLE REAL FACT OF THE DAY: No only child has been a U.S. President. Fuck. FRIDAY 07.30.04 Jack Ryan finally withdrew his name from the Illinois Senate race, paving the way for Barack Obama. It's really a shame that a sex scandal could destroy Jack Ryan's political career. I mean, the guy was a former Marine and an ex-CIA agent. He single-handedly thwarted an attempt to assassinate the Prince and Princess of Wales and helped a Soviet nuclear submarine captain defect to the United States -- with the sub! It's just ridiculous that politics have sunk to this level. SPEAKING OF POLITICS SINKING TO LEVELS: The student body president of my belove-ed DePauw University went to Boston last week to express her displeasure with John Kerry and his past performance. How did she do that, you ask? Well she dressed up as a seven-foot-tall flip-flop. Which is a weird coincidence. It turns out I'm going to be in New York next month dressed as an intellectual lightweight whose inability to comprehend complex issues and unwillingness to be a cooperative leader on the international stage has made America the most hated nation in the world for the first time in history. But I've yet to figure out the right piece of footwear to symbolize that. IN OTHER NEWS: Drudge has the transcript from the big Michael Moore / Bill O'Reilly showdown... and Sal and I wrote another bar review. NEW KID ON THE BLOCK: John, one of my friends from college, has a new blog over at the Blogspot. He's a real world traveller so it promises to be far more interesting than this thing. GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY WANT: In Wednesday's comments, Tennille posed the question "White Castle vs. Crystal." I will add to the question that a drunken run to the Crystal shows up in a Jimmy Buffett song (Great Filling Station Hold-Up). Are there any songs involving drunken runs to the White Castle? Also: Chicken Rings. Discuss indeed. WEDNESDAY 07.28.04 I'm going to a preview of Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. It's no Garden State, but whatever. It's free. People keep saying that the movie is just a huge product placement, but it turns out that the script was written without White Castle's input. The White Castle people weren't brought on board until after the movie was shooting (see the Hollywood Reporter for more) (because I know you want more). Anyway, I applaud White Castle for getting behind this movie. I bet they take some heat for it -- after all, they're the first fast-food restaurant to do an R-Rated movie tie-in. And as long as we're plugging White Castle, you can check out the Sun-Times' article with 30 things to know about the burger joint. IN OTHER NEWS: The Washington Post wishes somebody had proofed its special convention issue... The Chicago Tribune writes about the occult hand... and Ann Coulter: Nutcase. (No seriously. She's nuts. Read the column. She even calls the Democrats the "French Party." What does that even mean? Xenophobe.) AND HOMESTAR: Li'l Brudder can make it on his own. SUNDAY 07.25.04 We've had lots of random visitors lately. I sometimes wonder who really is looking at this thing. Because sometimes I feel like I kinda know... and then I get a random comment from Stanley or Munk or somebody from work. And sometimes I get comments from people I don't even know. When I was at DePauw I was talking to an administrator and he said, "Hey, don't you have a blog or something?" That was weird. Some people have nice things to say. Others less so. I also note that AJ left a comment on a post from last month after he Googled himself. Very strange, this Internet. IN OLD NEWS: Last March it was pointed out to me that Charlottesville was named the best place to live in the country. I'm just now getting around to posting that. Sue me. Also in the top 10: San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara. Just sayin'. THURSDAY 07.22.04 So I'm reading Entertainment Weekly. They had an article about television's guilty pleasures. One bit talked about Mr. Rogers and the "Neighborhood of Make-Believe." The heck? I thought it was the LAND of Make-Believe. So did my friends. But if you go to the Web site it's clearly "neighborhood." So what's the deal here? Are we nuts? Wasn't it Land of Make-Believe? IN OTHER BLOGS: According to the sweater, Republican operative Joe Gaylord was recently quoted as saying that Fahrenheit 9/11 was "a problem only if a lot of people see it." Good point, Joey G. Good point. I see Shepherd saw the story too. I should really get some original content... SUNDAY 07.18.04 So when Apple introduced the new flat-panel iMac a while back they gave Time magazine an exclusive on the story. It was a good PR move, but it bit them in the ass when Time released the story online before Apple unveiled the new iMac. Reports were that Steve Jobs was furious. So furious, it seems, that despite his long relationship with Time, he chose to give an exclusive about the new iPod to Newsweek -- which promptly released the story online before Apple unveiled the new iPod. Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice... Fool me once I can't get fooled again! Anyhoo... they also have a good story about the ubiquity of the iPod and an entertaining column by Bret Begun. Irony abounds, however. Newsweek is a partner with MSNBC. So, in fact, the "news" about the new iPod was broken on a Microsoft Web site. On the site, you can listen to an interview regarding Apple's music business -- but it's only available in the Windows Media format, the main competitor to Apple's ACC audio format. At the beginning of the interview the host suggests that the Beatles' song "From Me to You" could be the theme song for the iTunes Music Store. A good thought, except that Beatles albums are one of the glaring holes in the iTunes store's catalog. Yes, irony can be pretty ironic sometimes. ONE MORE THING: In one of the stories there is a quote from a Sony executive about their new music player. The executive said that they "feel that the experience is as good as Apple's, and we have the Walkman brand, which has sold 200 million units. We're in the game." So what you're saying is that Apple came out with a superior product -- and after three years of work you "feel" that you've come up with something "as good as" what Apple has? Brutal. And you're seriously suggesting that Walkman is a cooler brand than iPod? I think maybe the folks at Sony have been drinking too much Crystal Pepsi. Hey Sony, 1992 called. They want their Kris Kross tape back. IN OTHER NEWS: I saw Kerry on C-SPAN saying that fighting AIDS is part of homeland security. Then the other day a Republican Congressman said banning gay marriage is the "ultimate" kind of homeland security. Have we really come to the point where people will not pay attention to an issue unless they think it has to do with their security? BY THE WAY: That Kris Kross joke was funny because they're on the Sony Music label. Daddy-Mac'll make ya... YOUR TURN: I think we all know that Lindsay Lohan is the new Tara Reid. And last month it was said that Wednesday is the new Thursday. Anybody else have any "the new" items to share? THURSDAY 07.15.04 So I've developed quite a following on the Inter-net. Not here. Nobody reads this thing. Sadly, the following I've developed is on 7bamboo.com. Now I've been going to 7 Bamboo for sometime. It's a little karaoke bar in Japantown, about 4 blocks from my house. We reviewed it a couple months back but, let's be honest, it's kind of a dump. But now for some reason they've got this new Internet site. And while I can't get it to work, it appears that you can watch a live stream of people singing. Not only that, but people watching on the Web can type comments that can be seen in the bar as you are singing. It's all very bizarre. But yet I found myself craving the praise of these yahooos who are up at 3 a.m. watching people sing karaoke over the Internet. I felt I gave {anvil} and {honeypot} their money's worth with Luck Be A Lady. But later I think I let them down with It's Not Unusual. Oh, the curse of fame! SNAPPLE REAL FACT OF THE DAY: In the Middle Ages, chicken soup was considered an aphrodisiac. WEDNESDAY 07.14.04 From the "Things I Meant To Post Yesterday" file: Homestar's upcoming They Might Be Giants video is online... the Boston Herald says there's nothing left to love about the 90's (including its top 5 worst songs -- sing it with me: I get knocked down, but I get up again)... and Isabel Sanford, TV's Weezie, went up to that de-luxe apartment in the sky. I'm Kenney Marlatt, and I approved this post. MONDAY 07.12.04 New Teen Girl Squad! New Houston Chronicle! SATURDAY 07.10.04 So I went to see Spider-Man the other night.
UPDATE: The New York Post had a good follow-up that I missed in my last post. IN OTHER NEWS: I was reading the Lindsayism and saw a link to a story in Red Eye about Chicago's fabulous 20-somethings. I decided to check out who these yahoos were... and then realized my friend Mike's wife, Allie, topped the list. So that's pretty sweet. I mean, at best I figure I could maybe top the list of fabulous 20-somethings in my apartment complex. You know, assuming there aren't any other 20-somethings living here. WEDNESDAY 07.07.04 So I imagine you saw yesterday's New York Post front page. It was on Newsdesigner and Supafine and I'm sure elsewhere. But did you see today's Daily News font page? I (heart) newspaper wars. MONDAY 07.05.04 So a while back I was saying that we have Clark Kent, the reporter / Superman, and Peter Parker the photographer / Spider-Man but we really don't have any designers / super-people. Well, it turns out the staff here at kenneymarlatt.com has a lot of "juice" in Hollywood. Warner Bros. has made Catwoman a graphic designer. FRIDAY 07.02.04 So a few days ago somebody sent me an e-mail saying she had stumbled onto my blog, poked around my Web site and was looking at one of my slideshows when she realized that one of her best friends from high school was in a couple of my pictures. That's it. Small world. Good story, eh? IN CRIME NEWS: I won't rehash the whole sordid tale, but my parent's neighbor in Virginia was acquitted in the poisoning death of her husband. One paper points out that gossip about the case centered in the Somerset Center Store. Well, yeah. As it comprises the entire town. IN DRINKING NEWS: Another one of my bar reviews ran yesterday. This one was on an old bar in Los Gatos. And last Wednesday, the Food & Wine section ran a summer beer taste test that Sal and I wrote. I really just need to become the liquor beat reporter. AND IN CELEBRITY NEWS: God makes Brando an offer he can't refuse. What? Too soon? Fine. But if you think that's tasteless, check out the ad that Slate had running in the middle of their Brando obit. MONDAY 06.28.04 Who's the big winner of ArenaBowl XVIII? Your San Jose Sabercats! Eat it, Arizona Rattlers! (Ok, fine. It's no Stanley Cup. We take what we can get. San Jose. King of B-Grade Sports.) IN OTHER NEWS: In a surprise move, the U.S. handed over sovereignty to Iraq early this morning, screwing East Coast newspapers... Apple previewed MacOS X Tiger and a new flat-screen display that's as big as my TV... And the Red Eye had the best headline of the day. For Brit-Brit's second marriage: Knot Again. SATURDAY 06.26.04 Fahrenheit 9/11 played to a packed house in Santa Clara, California last night. Ticket holders for The 1 a.m. showing lined up along the street an hour before the movie began. When the credits rolled, the crowd applauded. Many Democrats have been heartened by the interest this movie has generated and think it could help push Bush out of the White House. I have my doubts. I worry that many people are expecting to see a comedy. I worry that when people discover that Fahrenheit is really a serious documentary they will not recommend it to others. I think everybody should go see this movie, but then again I think everybody should watch C-SPAN. I'm a political geek and there aren't that many of us out there. You think there are, but there are not. Nevertheless, I hope the movie will refocus the political debate in this country leading up to the election. I hope people will realize what a dangerous path this country is on. While I was walking back to my car a fellow movie-goer gave me confidence that people are beginning to seriously consider the issues that face this country, for as his car sped away he shouted a powerful reminder to America's voters: "BUSH SUCKS DICK!" Well put, my friend. Well put. FRIDAY 06.25.04 Remember when Bush was running for President and promised to "restore civility and respect to our national politics" by setting "a different tone" in Washington? I guess Dick Cheney was only half-listening. Earlier this week he told Sen. Patrick Leahy to go fuck himself. That should certainly change the tone. Interestingly enough, the Washington Post chose to actually use the word "fuck" in their story. I'll assume no television stations did, else Bush would have the FCC yank their broadcast license. IN OTHER BLOGS: Lindsayism speculates on the letters the Olsen twins must be sending back and forth. Good stuff. THURSDAY 06.24.04 Seriously, what was the deal with Temple of Doom? I just watched it for the first time in a decade... and it just sucks. I mean what were they thinking? "Yeah, the last one we had all kinds of cool locations. But this time I think we'll stick them in a mine the entire time. It'll be great. And oh yeah, remember how he was fighting Nazi Germany? This'll be way better because he's fighting, like, two devil-worshipers." If nothing else, it gives me a new hope (ha!) that Star Wars can recover from Attack of the Clones and Lucas will be able to pull a Last Crusade out of his hat. IN OTHER NEWS: USA Today runs an AP story about USA Today. SORRY: That's all I got. SATURDAY 06.19.04 Man. Here I thought T-Ball's nickname was a success. Get a load of this. ALSO: I added actual, soundtrack-less photos from last week so you don't have to screw with the slideshow. But I think by now we're pretty sick of those photos. FRIDAY 06.18.04 So a photographer in the Kenneymarlatt.com San Francisco Bureau filed a report today. He was checking out the "vintage" clothing section at Urban Outfitters and came across a $75 black sweatshirt. You hear that Gaspard? That crappy sweatshirt the University gave you is URBAN! Sell that sucker on eBay! I wonder how much I could get for a "vintage" Delta Chi DePauw Ranch Dance T-shirt. I figure that's gotta be worth at least $60. Or an ash-grey DePauw Rush shirt from 1996? How about a 1997 Alpha Chi Twisted Sister Informal T-shirt? Pi Phi Welcome to the Jungle Informal? Kappa Alpha Theta HeyIWannaLeiYa? This stuff is gold people! Actually... that last one sounds like something they would totally sell. STUPID DIGITAL RIGHTS MANAGEMENT: So I'm all for protecting the rights of copyright holders (I guess...) but many of you pointed out that the music on my little slideshow didn't work. In fact, you said that a message told you to go buy the song. "Wha?" I thought. I guess you can't buy a song on iTunes, use it for an iPhoto slideshow and then share it with your friends. Because your friends don't own the song. Lame. But I think I found a workaround. So... if you haven't looked at those photos yet and still want to, the music will probably work now. Probably. KIWI! Looks like Kiwi is still yet to post the pictures from last weekend. (Let's go people! I've already posted half a dozen slideshows here!) Fortunately, you can feel free to browse the proofs from Pi Phi's Off Like a Prom Dress informal. Back in my day, this thing was called "Pi Phi Prom" and was held at the Walden. I see now they've slutted up the name and moved it to the Pub. Nice. And isn't that A.J. Feeney-Ruiz in there? Is that kid ever going to graduate? SERIOUSLY: It seems that over at MSNBC, July 17 is Crazy Hat Day. TUESDAY 06.15.04 So about 30 of you tried to watch my little slideshow. And I'm guessing that, for about 30 of you, it didn't work. My bad. How about this time. MONDAY 06.14.04 SOMEWHERE OVER COLORADO -- So I had a good weekend at DePauw. Much of it fun but some of it quite bittersweet. It was Reunion Weekend for the Class of 1999 so I got to spend some quality time with my buddies and pals from that class, which was fun. But what was more bittersweet was the time spent with those I don't ever get to see. It was an odd mix of emotions... happy to see them... but then sad that I wasn't really a part of their lives anymore. It kinda made me realize just how much I gave up for my job in California. I was at the Class of 1999 reunion because I'm on the planning committee for our own reunion next year. We had a bunch of meetings and came up with some good ideas so I think things are going to be fun. I expect nothing less than 100% attendance from my DePauw friends (yeah Sniers, I'm talking to you), so be sure and take some time off June 10-12 next year. I of course took a bajillion pictures while I was there too. You can check out the QuickTime slideshow if you want. Or, if you like the thumbnail dealie better, leave a comment and I'll put one up. Dan and Angie managed to use their juice to score a couple rooms in the brand spankin' new Reese Hall in Rector Village. This meant that I was on campus to see Rector burn down and I was the first person to stay in a room in Rector's replacement. I thought that was funny since the old building burned and the new building opened after I graduated. A funny coincidence. But you're not laughing. We had a little late-night cocktail party on Reese 3 with some of the recent grads from 2004. Some tid-bits from that night: Toby, an '04 grad and alumni board member who was staying with us in Reese Hall told us that seniors now always went out on Wednesdays, saying that "Wednesday is the new Thursday." I thought that was funny. A Media Fellow in the '04 class who we'll call "Meg" (because that was her name) gave us the dirt on Media Fellows. The more things change... Another '04 grad who was hanging out with us Friday night shared with us the, um, "romantic history" of one of my friend's siblings, who happens to be a student at DePauw. Good times. Meanwhile Dan and I were mixing up Greencaslte Mojitos until five in the morning, at which point we decided to go over to Alpha Phi so we could hang out on their porch swing and watch the sunrise. We didn't actually plan on watching the sunrise... but it did nevertheless. Needless to say, Saturday did not go so well for the two of us. And on Sunday a certain DePauw Administration Official who will remain nameless managed to go 3 for 3, unwittingly insulting my career each and every time he has seen me since graduation. This post is long enough as it is, so I wont go into it. Maybe next time. THURSDAY 06.10.04 INDIANAPOLIS -- So I'm watching Beat the Geeks on Comedy Central and, while I'm not sure, I think that the "Simpsons Geek" might well be me. Not because the guy loves the Simpsons -- I do, but that's not the point. But because the dude seriously looks like me. I find it frightening. Here's the part where you wonder why I didn't post a pic of him. Can't find one. Anywhere. If you can let me know. IN THEATER NEWS: Avenue Q scored a major upset to win the Tony Award for Best Musical. I know, this is days old now... but I figured it wouldn't matter. It's not like anybody actually watches the Tonys. MONDAY 06.07.04 LAKE FOREST, ILL -- That'll teach me to promise updates with interesting stuff. Stupid internet connection wasn't working all day. But really, Newsdesigner had the Reagan highlights covered anyway. But nobody seemed to have posted the sweet Sun-Times front page. Great copy. Respectful without being fawning. We had a very Chicagoland dinner at home last night. Deep-dish pizza (sauce on top where it belongs), Eli's cheesecake and Goose Island beer (yeah yeah, Old Style, I know. I was trying to class it up.) SUNDAY 06.06.04 LAKE FOREST, ILL -- Marmalard? Dead! Niedermeyer? Dead! Reagan? Dead! What? Too soon? Fine then. Let's stick to the news. One word for the Virginian-Pilot: Bold. Peoria checks in with Mourning in America. So does the LA Daily News. And the Abilene Reporter-News. And Jeffy did a nice job with the Merc. I'll try to find some other interesting stuff later when Newseum is updated. (I'm using "Sunday" in the loosest sense. It's two in the morning. In America.) MORK CALLING ORSON: Remember when I told you to check out the I Love the 70's quiz? It was yesterday. I checked the tapes and 32 of you read that post, yet only 2 posted their score. I take that to mean one of two things: The other 30 of you ignored my wishes or you scored so poorly that you're loathe to reveal your lack of What's Happening!!-related knowledge. Either way, I'm disappointed. IN OTHER NEWS: I forgot to mention that when I was in New York I saw, for the first time, a guy with a Segway. He was dragging it behind him. (SEGWAY.COM: "This Father's Day, give your Dad a gift he'll never forget!") IN BOOZE NEWS: We examined another bar. (Let me know if that link works. Looks like there is some goofy registration bidness in the URL.) IN SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE NEWS: Don't set your Friendster settings so that anyone on Friendster can send you a message. Today I got six marginally-intelligible messages from people purporting to hail from the Philippines. Friendster Spam. That's exactly what I fucking need. SATURDAY 06.05.04 LAKE FOREST, ILL -- Just in case I wasn't sure if I was on the North Shore or not, today I saw a high-school girl in a sun dress with a sweater tied around her shoulders. I couldn't see what color her Mercedes was. I LOVE THE VH1: Joe E. Tata is back serving burgers at the Peach Pit! Or, at least he is in a promo for I Love the 90's. And while we're talking about VH1, I should also point out that if you aren't watching Best Week Ever you're dumb. But not too dumb to play the I Love the 70's Sitcom Trivia Game, right? I scored 13 out of 15. Bring it. FRIDAY 06.04.04 LAKE FOREST, ILL -- Fuck me. I had a great big post about Tenet and Rumsfeld and how Bush has said both were doing "superb" jobs. (They weren't! See? Funny!) There was also something about Wonkette. And another thing about my trip out here and the people sitting next to me on the plane. But I'm too dumb to use a computer and it all got deleted. So that's a real shame. I mean, for you. Because I already knew what it said. (It was hilarious!) WEDNESDAY 06.02.04 So BP is wondering if he can sue an "intimate grooming" company called SweetSpot Labs for stealing the name of his old sports column in The DePauw, The Sweet Spot. Now, I don't know if he has a case on the Sweet Spot thing, but I'll tell you what: If I see any products labeled "In the Hot Box" and Slabaugh's mug isn't on there, we'll sue their ass from here to Nebraska. You know, because Nebraska's far away. MEMORIAL DAY 05.31.04 For your holiday reading pleasure, check out McSweeney's pros and cons of possible John Kerry running-mates. (Ashton Kutcher - Pro: Could "punk" Bush campaign with crazy pranks. Con: Sucks.) IN ADVERTISING NEWS: They've already put ads on cars and busses. Now CalTrain has wrapped several trains with Target ads. I'm still waiting to see a building wrapped with an ad. You just wait. It's coming. Oh wait... a Google search reveals it already has. (Clearly, the Financial Times has a bigger ad budget than the Merc.) And speaking of advertising, I notice something odd in my newspaper today. The logo for Shrek 2. Toned down to about 20% opacity. And run under the movie listings. Not "below" the movie listings. Under. Like a watermark. I'm all for making money, but yikes. SATURDAY 05.29.04 My posts have been spotty lately. Fortt's been making excuses. MB's sick of her blog. Tom Mangan up and quit his. Has blogging jumped the shark? WEDNESDAY 05.26.04 Yeah yeah... sorry. I know you were on the edge of your seat to hear about the rest of my trip. So Friday we -- wait! Where are you going! I was going to tell you about Avenue Q! We got front row seats! For $20! No? Fine. So you don't care about my photos either? Quicktime slideshow? Crap. Then I got nothin. THURSDAY 05.20.04 NEW YORK CITY -- We did a do-over at Schiller's Liquor Bar the other night. Food was good. Ginger vodka cocktail was outstanding. On the way out a girl at a table stopped me and said, "Didn't you go to DePauw?" Turns out I did. And she lived across the street. Add that to my random sighting of another DePauw grad in Brooklyn last weekend and that's two count 'em TWO unplanned run-ins with DePauw-types. Small town, this New York City. Last night Mary-Anne joined us for dinner at TV's Rocco's. The food was underwhelming, but it was reasonably priced. The mojitos, however, were outstanding but overpriced. So I suppose everything just about hits the target. NAME DROPPING: We ran into Mario Batali over at Babbo this afternoon, but I suppose that's to be expected. Unexpected was Sylvia and Jeffy's sighting of Khrystyne Haje, TV's Simone from Head of the Class. IN OTHER NEWS: Apple creates a new iPod division... Sal and I review the Empire Tap Room... Someone recently Googled "north carolina roommate gun" and came up with this blog... and Jon Stewart gave the commencement address at William & Mary. MONDAY 05.17.04 BROOKLYN -- I went to a huge party tonight on a boat at Chelsea Piers with a bunch of Columbia students. I won't lie, it's been a long time since I've been to an event that felt that much like a college fraternity party. Not that we had parties on boats. Or, for that matter, parties that were huge. But still. Elapsed time until I heard the phrase "my milshake brings all the boys to the yard": 8 minutes 47 seconds. Elapsed time until I heard that 50's "been hit with a few shells but I don't walk with a limp": Even less. This, of course, compares to college, where you couldn't go 10 minutes at a party without Destiny's Child letting the crowd know that "you can pay my bills, you pay my telephone bills, pay my automo-bills. Then maybe we can chill." At this time the staff at kenneymarlatt.com would also like to remind our readers that "any damsel that's in distress, be outta that dress when she meets Jim West." SUNDAY 05.16.04 BROOKLYN -- It seems I have my finger on the pulse of New York dinning. Last night I tried to pick out a place for dinner and settled on Schiller's Liquor Bar, Keith McNally's new restaurant on the Lower East Side. Hour and a half wait. So I suggested we walk over to 'inoteca, a wine bar and restaurant down the street. Also packed. But that ended up being just as well because we wound up at Tenement just around the corner. Tasty. Cool atmosphere. No waiting. Rock on. HEADLINE OF THE DAY: From yesterday's Akron Beacon Journal: Bad news in Canton THURSDAY 05.13.04 It was a big day for social networking sites yesterday. Weaver pointed us to SingleRepublican.com, a Web site for conservative American singles frustrated with mainstream dating sites that include only "liberals that don't really share your viewpoints on important issues." The front page has a plug from Rush Limbaugh. Because, if I were a woman, I'd sure be looking for a fat loud-mouth whose addicted to painkillers... Meanwhile, Jake has a post about a new service called Dodgeball, which lets you know if any of your friends or friends-of-friends are at nearby bars. That one actually sounds pretty cool if you read the article in the New York Times. IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: The Smoking Gun has a memo stating that, after watching the pilot episode, NBC execs reported that Friends was "not very entertaining, clever or original." Their suggestions included using Chandler's dreams as a running bit on the show (what?) and making the coffee house "less funky." IN SPORTS NEWS: Lord Stanley's Cup stopped by the Mercury News on Wednesday. Check it out. Meanwhile, the Keeper of the Cup, Mike Bolt, was, if only for a moment, the Keeper of SND's World's Best Designed Newspaper award. I'm off to New York. See you on the flip-flop. TUESDAY 05.11.04 So Parsons has been bugging me about some product placement for his new blog over at wifeandadog.blogspot.com. If you are using Safari, do not adjust your browser. Things will be a bit, "right-justified." I'm not trying to name-call here, but that page ain't HTML Standards-Compliant. I'm sorry! I don't mean to say such hurtful things. You're probably using Internet Explorer anyway. So you should go check it out. It's entertaining. Anyway, the reason it took me so long to post about the site is that I wasn't sure if he wanted one of those anonymous blogs (I'm looking at you, Sweater) or if it was cool to name names. I'm struggling for an interesting comment to end on here so I'll just say that, unprompted, the White House sent me this autographed 8x10 of President Bush, suitable for framing. (It's true!) IN OTHER FRIENDS: T-Ball will be leaving the Wisconsin State Journal for a new job at the Indy Star. Which make me think it might just be time to update his Web page. Meanwhile, his new job warranted its own post on newsdesigner.com. But heck, his job moves could warrant their own blog! ZING! MONDAY 05.10.04 San Jose lost their opening game against Calgary. I think Sharks forward Todd Harvey said it best: "We just have to eat this one." WEDNESDAY 05.05.04 So the Pat Tillman memorial service was held the other day. Actually, it was held just down the street from me. If you watched on TV you might have heard some coarse language from Tillman's family. Now, if you have a problem with that, fine. That's your business. But I can't believe this guy is presumptuous enough to say that the family's words during the memorial service were a disgrace to the far more moving comments made by celebrities and politicians who had never met the guy. What an ass. "Hi. I'm Rick Kearney, Funeral Critic." IN OTHER NEWS: The Sharks (finally) defeated the Avalanche, and while I designed the page they wouldn't let me write the headline. Because I think we all know what I would have written. TUESDAY 05.04.04 Real quick: Check out the New Denver Post. A report posted on E&P shows the Mercury News circulation is up a couple thousand readers while the San Francisco Chronicle is down about 13,000 readers. And Howard Stern fans are complaining to the FCC about Oprah. SUNDAY 05.02.04 So I've realized that a cool thing about Friendster is that you can find out that you are linked to people you know in ways that you didn't. I found some people that I know from DePauw on Friendster just by searching for their name, and Friendster show me that my friends were linked to me through a series of people I didn't even know. It's the whole six degrees of separation thing. What's too bad is that once you add people as your friend you can no longer see those other links. That sucks. You listening, Friendster? IN DESIGN NEWS: The Denver Post's redesign guide is online. So, you know. Check that out. IN OTHER NEWS: I saw a job post asking that applicants be fluent in Aldus Freehand. That's curious, as Aldus Freehand hasn't been around for a decade -- the company merged with Adobe in 1994, at which point Freehand was unloaded to Macromedia. Now, I don't know, maybe they really do want people to be fluent in Aldus Freehand. You know, that and MacDraw. (Don't care? Tough. Some people care about "spelling" and "grammar." I care about "correct version names for software.") THURSDAY 04.29.04 "It's come to this," I thought to myself as I screwed the cap back on the bottle of wine. TUESDAY 04.27.04 Ray Ratto dispels the myth that Vic Chi has occult powers. (But, nonetheless, the Sharks are up 3-0. And I think a certain state knows that they can eat it.) MONDAY 04.26.04 Billy Joel wrecked his car. Again. This time he crashed his Citroen 2CV into a house. It was the third accident for Joel in two years and, oddly, the second for the house. I suppose he'll be trading in his Citroen for a Cadillac. Ack. Ack. Ack. SATURDAY 04.24.04 Eat it, Colorado! The Sharks are up 2-0 on the Avalanche. I'd say that it's lucky for Colorado that they are headed back to Denver, but a listener poll by a Denver radio station earlier this month showed that nearly half the team's fans didn't think they'd make it past the first round. A couple of resounding victories by the young San Jose team can't be helping their morale. Here's hoping the Sharks can get this thing wrapped up by Saturday. Seacrest out. TUESDAY 04.20.04 After St. Louis lost to San Jose in the first round of the NHL playoffs, Blues center Michael Danton was so mad he could kill somebody. SUNDAY 04.18.04 LAS VEGAS -- So I've been staying with Jeremy and Betsy at the El Cortez downtown. If you've been to Vegas you are likely now horrified, but the deal is that there is a huge NAB convention in town and, as I said yesterday, everything on the strip was way overpriced. I mean, I paid $180 just to stay at the Tropicana on Thursday. Tropicana. Thursday. A hundred and eighty bucks. But my stay at the Tropicana did allow me to overhear the following conversation at the pool:
This went on for several minutes. But what were we talking about? Oh yes, the El Cortez. If you have not been to Vegas you probably don't instinctively know how bad the El Cortez is. This may shed some light: We're at the New York New York having a cocktail at the America bar and we were chatting with the bartender who we'll call Jen. I ask Jen how late the restaurant is open and she tells us that the restaurant -- and the bar -- are open 24 hours. She adds that there is a law saying that casinos have to have someplace to get food 24 hours a day. "But at some places it's just, like, a greasy spoon. Like Frontier." This makes me think back to my lunch at the El Cortez snack bar. But I didn't really want to reveal that I was actually staying in such a place. ME: "I'd imagine there are places that don't even have that." JEN THE BARTENDER: "What? Like Cortez? I mean how low do you want to go? Have you ever been there? That place scarred me for life. When I first moved out here I had to get my Sheriff's Card across the street. I didn't have any cash on me so I went in there to use the ATM. Man, it was scary. You can't imagine the smell of stale cigarette smoke and booze." ME: "Oh, I don't know. I could, probably, imagine... I'd bet after a few hours in the casino you might have to take a 30 minute shower just to get that scent of ashtray and scotch off your body. I mean, I'd imagine. I wouldn't know. Of course." Jen the Bartender laughed, realizing that the two chumps at the bar were staying at the El Cortez. *sigh* IT IS A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL: LAS VEGAS -- Later on last night I ran into somebody from work at the New York New York. So I've now randomly run into people I know in New York, DC, Chicago, Boulder, Vegas and San Francisco. Interesting to me. Not so much you. Tough. CLASS. CLASS. CLASS-A-ROO: LAS VEGAS -- I saw a group of Asian tourists outside the Bellagio this afternoon. Some drunk ass with a giant frozen margarita goes "HEY! WILLIAM HUNG! SHE BANGS! SHE BANGS!" Nice one, jag. THEY HAVE A PEPPER BAR: LAS VEGAS -- Overheard comment from a retiree outside the Terminal D Quizno's at the Las Vegas airport: "I Can't stand those stupid things on those commercials. They shouldn't even run them! Makes you not want to run go out and get it." THE FUN NEVER STOPS: LOS ANGELES -- Just passed Sunset on the 405. "The 405? But I thought you flew!" Sure did. But United (or Ted, or United Express... who knows...) cancelled my flight to San Jose because of weather... or a mechanical problem... or a crew shortage. They're not really sure. But they at first they definitely knew it was weather -- an act of God -- and they couldn't offer us anything. Or wait, um, nevermind, they can... a motel... or no, a $50 voucher... or wait, how about a bus to San Jose? Seriously, this is one screwed up airline. But anyway, I got in a cab to the Vegas airport 7 hours ago. Had I instead hopped in a car and driven, I would be home right now, not so much in North Hollywood. Remind me never to fly United again. After my trip to New York, that is, which is already booked. Oh, and after I use my free ticket for booking 3 roundtrips this spring. And after I use my $50 voucher. Then remind me. SATURDAY 04.17.04 LAS VEGAS -- So here's a little insider tip: If a bunch of locals are playing Texas Hold Em and appear to be doing so all day and the dealers all know their names... don't join in their game. Unless of course you need to lose a bunch of money. Fast. Another tip: If the Excalibur is quoting $350 a night for a room, that might be a weekend to go AWAY from Vegas. Not so much TO Vegas. IN OTHER NEWS: The other night at P.F. Chang's in San Jose I got a fortune cookie that said: "You or a close friend will be married within a year." Yeah? You think? Thanks for nothing. Stupid cookie. WEDNESDAY 04.14.04 So I've signed up for this Birthday Alarm thing. What you do is you enter people's birthdays into a calendar and then they send you an e-mail reminder. Why is this better than just using Outlook or whatever? Well, it's not. Except that you can have it send your friends an e-mail requesting their birthday and then they have to enter it themselves, saving you the trouble. But the thing is, I feel like that just says "Look, I can't take the time to remember your birthday, never-mind typing the damn thing in." But this isn't really my gripe. What I don't get is why this thing doesn't work both ways. For example, Betsy had Birthday Alarm send me one of these birth-date requests. So I get an e-mail telling me to click a link to enter my birthday into her calendar. I do that. It works great. But I don't get why it doesn't then add HER birthday to MY calendar. As it is now, come November she looks like a thoughtful friend while on her birthday a month later I look like a thoughtless ass. Thanks Birthday Alarm! FUNNIEST PART OF BUSH'S PRESS CONFERENCE: In response to a question about his biggest mistake, Bush said, "I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet." So Bush can't answer a question with all the pressure of a press conference? Geeze, I hope the president never finds himself in a situation more stressful than a press conference. And, if he does, I hope he will not have to answer difficult questions. However, if such a situation does arise, I take comfort that something will probably pop into his head. LEADING LIGHTS: From the wires: "SALINAS - A 25-year-old former saleswoman has learned that jail time, like a vacuum cleaner, really sucks." TUESDAY 04.13.04 Why is it that when the clock-tower lightning bolt hits the Delorian it sends Marty back to 1985 without issue, but when the errant lightning bolt hits the Doc in the flying Delorian it destroys the time circuits, leaving Doc stranded in 1885? HOLY COW: The Sun-Times marketing people almost managed to edge out the Tribune for a $100,000 sponsorship deal with the Cubs. Unfortunately for the Sun-Times, the Tribune owns the Cubs and nixed the "embarrassing" deal. BUT THIS IS TERRY BENEDICT'S CASINO! The Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas went dark over the weekend after a mysterious power outage crippled the high-class gambling complex. Many guests were relocated to other Vegas resorts Sunday, and the remaining guests were checked out on Monday when it was discovered that the hotel would have to be completely closed. Hopefully, nobody got shot, as is bound to happen when casinos lose power. IN OTHER NEWS: Remember Heather Woodward? She just had a big series published in The Olympian. IN DESIGN NEWS: Newsdesigner.com has some fake New York Post front pages through history. My favorite fake headline is for the Irish potato famine: KISS ME I'M STARVING SATURDAY 04.10.04 If you haven't already done so, you need to download the Web commercial Seinfeld did for American Express. It's about five minutes long. Hi-larious. There are a few other tidbits to be found on the Web site too. IN SPORTS NEWS: The Sharks are up on St. Louis two games to none. IN OTHER NEWS: Actors Whip Easter Bunny at Church Show. (Thanks, Shepherd.) THURSDAY 04.08.04 Stay strong, Bushman. We love ya. (Seriously, we do. If you're not from the Bay Area, trust me. It's the funniest thing going.) MONDAY 04.05.04 DEPAUW REFERENCED IN ANOTHER LITTLE-WATCHED TELEVISION SHOW: According to a university press release, um, over a month ago... regular viewers of CBS's Joan of Arcadia might have noticed one of the characters telling Dawson's Creek star Meredith Monroe she should go eat at Marvin's, "home of the garlic cheeseburger." It seems one of the writers on the show went to DePauw. (By the way, I would have used "Marvin's Delivers to Joan of Arcadia" as the title to this entry, but the Banner already took that one.) And don't forget, Marvin's delivers anywhere. WHAT THE? According to IMDB, Meredith Monroe is 33. (See above) IN OTHER NEWS: The Washington Post's Scott "Cougar" Goldman was hired as AME/Visuals at the Indy Star. In the story, Goldman said he wanted to make the Star "the best-looking paper of our size anywhere in the country." Bring it on, Scotty G. SUNDAY 04.04.04 Why am I getting e-mails for V . I . C . O . D . I . N? Clearly, I've decided that I don't want any e-mails for Vicodin, largely because I don't take Vicodin. Clearly, the folks at the Online M-e-D Super-Store realize that I don't want any Vicodin, and have barred Vicodin-related e-mail from my inbox. So why are they sending me e-mail for V . I . C . O . D . I . N? IT MAKES NO SENSE! CLEARLY I DON'T WANT IT! WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME AN OFFER TO BUY IT? I'M NOT A POTENTIAL CUSTOMER SO ALL YOU ARE DOING IS HARASSING ME! Seriously, if a presidential candidate were to say they would outlaw spam, I would quit my job and go work for them tomorrow. FRIDAY 04.02.04 A number of papers yesterday used the photo of the corpses hanging from the bridge in Iraq. Those papers included Baltimore, Charlotte, the Chicago Tribune, the Freep, Hartford, the Philadelphia Inquirer, St. Paul, San Diego, San Francisco, St. Louis and St. Pete. Bold. THURSDAY 04.01.04 Holy crap! Homestar lost his domain name. WEDNESDAY 03.31.04 Well, Air America, the new liberal talk radio network, launches today at noon with The O'Franken Factor. Let me know how that goes -- Air America hasn't secured a broadcast partner in the Bay Area yet. Seems a slight oversight, considering this is arguable the most left-leaning metropolitan area in the country. TUESDAY 03.30.04 Did anyone watch Average Joe last night? (Don't judge, Mr. Fancy Cable Channels. This is, sadly, the best thing going on Monday night network TV.) Anyway, I think I saw reality TV hit a new low. And not the Temptation Island / Littlest Groom kind of low. This was different. A good 10 minutes of last night's Average Joe 3 was devoted to people sitting around watching the finale of Average Joe 2. And the editing attempted to make things look really nostalgic. Remember the heartbreak at the end of Average Joe: Hawaii? Dear NBC, Yes. I remember. It was THREE WEEKS AGO. MONDAY 03.29.04 So I read an article in the New Yorker about Orkut, this new Friendster-esque thing from Google. The thing about it is, you can't just join. You have to be invited to join by somebody who is already a member. Now, I'm reading this story and thinking, "I'm a geek. I live in Silicon Valley. I'm not on Orkut. Who do you have to sleep with to get on this thing?" Fortunately, a friend of mine knew exactly who you had to sleep with and sent me an invite. So I sign up and suddenly realize that a bunch of my "friends" are already members! Thanks for the hook-up, jackasses. Anyhoo, it's a neat little thing. I mean sure, social-networking, blah blah blah. But this Orkut adds a lot of discussion boards and stuff so it's actually useful. Huzzah for Google. SUNDAY 03.28.04 I went to Virginia last week to my grandmother's funeral. My family's friends and relatives were very supportive over the week and the house was flooded with flowers. I took some pictures of them if you want to see. FRIDAY 03.19.04 NELSON TO DEAR ABBY: HA-HA! It seems somebody pulled a fast one on Jeanne Phillips. A Dear Abby "fan" submitted the following letter earlier this month:
Of course, any Simpsons fan would realize that the letter's author was Marge, "Gene" was Homer and the story came from an episode during the show's first season. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any Simpsons fans at the Chicago Tribune. Nobody there noticed the hoax. Or the note to kill the item. Or the subsequent news articles about the hoax. So it ran on Monday. Fortunately, it makes for great blog fodder. SPEAKING OF THE SIMPSONS: In Sunday's episode Homer took the kids to the movies. Among the movies playing: The Fashion of the Christ Ghost Frat From Justin to Kelly 4 The Unwatchable Hulk The Pianist Goes Hawaiian Freddy vs. Jason vs. Board of Education And, in the background, you could see posters for A Matrix Christmas and You're In the Matrix, Charlie Brown! IN OTHER NEWS: The Boston Globe had a good story about the death of a town. TUESDAY 03.16.04 So I got an e-mail yesterday from Moyer, one of my high-school roommates, that included pictures of his new baby. Congratulations to them! Later I was on IM with a friend of mine and I was telling her that it was weird to think that one of my friends has a baby. As I was talking to her my e-mail pinged and I had a message from one of my college roommates. Just had the baby! Here are the pictures! So now I have TWO friends that have a kid to take care of. Meanwhile in California, I can't even take care of a plant. SUNDAY 03.14.04 So I bought a new TV this weekend. I really like watching it. This afternoon there wasn't anything on so I found myself watching C-SPAN for two hours. Wait, that sounds really geeky. Let's pretend I ended on "I really like watching it." SATURDAY 03.13.04 So I went to the beach Thursday and saw dolphins. Then I went yesterday and saw surfers. (The weather's been great.) I went to LA last month and I finally put the photos up if you want to check them out. GAY TV... OR IS IT? Oh yeah, and according to Fox, I'm gay. Did you watch Playing It Straight last night? It's Fox's rip-off of Bravo's Boy Meets Boy. Girl has to pick a guy. We've seen that before. But some of the guys are gay. If the girl picks a straight guy in the end, the two split a million bucks. But if she picks a gay guy then he gets the million bucks and she gets nothing but heartache and humiliation on national television. Anyhoo... she eliminated a guy because he had a hair-dryer. And the thing was it wasn't like she said, "Well, I've got nothing else to go on, so I'm eliminating you because of the hair-dryer." No, she kept harping on it. "I think you're really nice, but I think you're hiding something. I mean, come on. A BLOW-DRYER? Get out of my face, queer." Ok, I added that last part. But still, it was rediculous. Ownership of a hair-dryer makes you gay. What are we, in third grade? TUESDAY 03.09.04 Big news day today: THE GOOD: Jet Blue announced that it will begin non-stop service between San Jose and JFK. Rock on! THE BAD: A Georgia woman was thwarted when an alert Wal-Mart employee questioned whether the woman's $1,000,000 bill was real. Turns out, it wasn't. The best part was the woman was expecting $998,328.45 in change. Would you like that in 10s or 20s? THE TRAGIC: Robert Pastorelli, TV's Eldin, was found dead in his Hollywood home. "On CBS's Murphy Brown, he played Eldin Bernecky," says the St. Pete Times, "An oddball housepainter for TV newswoman Murphy Brown, played by Candice Bergen. Eldin's work never seems to get done because of his high artistic standards. He spends much of his time meddling in Murphy's life, often dispensing sage advice." Sage indeed. I dare say there isn't one among us that wouldn't benefit from having an Eldin in our life. Godspeed, Robert. Godspeed. SUNDAY 03.07.04 Ug. What a week. The SND board was in town and we were working like mad to get ready. But it's not as if I have nothing to show for it. Check out our new Web site for the convention! Seriously, check it out! So what did you miss out on while I was too busy to post? -- A hi-larious look at the political advertisements I received in the mail last week. -- Snarky comments about The Apprentice. -- Even snarky-er comments about Average Joe 2. ("Once... in the past... when I was young... I dated Fabio.") Man, all that stuff was GOLD. Too bad... IN OTHER NEWS: The New York Post is looking for someone who is "adept in QuarkExpress." SUPER TUESDAY 03.02.04 Is it wrong if I really like those Quizno's ads? A recent investigation reveals they were done by a guy in London who created one of those awesome flash animations that your friends are always forwarding to you. Granted, nobody forwarded it to me (Way to go, friends!) but I bet you saw it, what with your inter-net savvy and all. Anyway, what I'm impressed with here is that some dude can parlay a crappy flash animation into a national ad campaign that Slate gives an 'A' in its Ad Report Card. Next thing you know Homestar is going to be plugging Jet-Puffed Mmarshmallows On a side note, a Google search for marshmallows lists the Homestar cartoon as the No. 3 search result. Huh. LEAP DAY 02.29.04 Lord of the Rings? Seriously? I mean really. (I know. I know. Not much of a post, but then this day shouldn't really be here. So look at this as a bonus.) THURSDAY 02.26.04 So I'm back from LA, but I haven't had a chance to upload any of my photos. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat, so I'll get to it. In the meantime, here's a story about my parents' neighbor. DO THE BARTMAN: Well friends and neighbors, baseball season is almost here, but before we get ahead of ourselves, we have some unfinished business to take care of. This is serious, by the way. Tonight, Harold Ramis will host an event -- brought to you, of course, by Old Style beer -- outside Harry Caray's restaurant in Chicago that will feature among its guests Billy Corgan, the Second City troupe and Dutchie Caray. It'll be on ESPN tonight. Look for it. And nice work on the Red Streak cover, but I gotta wonder if this is really front page news for the Charleston Post and Courier. Cub-blam indeed. JESUS CHRIST: Looks like The Passion of the Christ had a pretty good first day. A report on E! Online reports that the Mel Gibson movie had the biggest "Wednesday, non-holiday, non-summer" opener ever. And only one person died watching it, so they got that going for them. Which is nice. Don't forget to pick up your officially licensed Passion of the Christ Nail Pendant. Makes a great gift! IN OTHER NEWS: Mario Garcia has struck again. Looks like Long Island's Newsday has launched a redesign. MONDAY 02.23.04 LOS ANGELES -- Seriously, what's the deal with everyone here calling highways "the" something? "Take the 101 to the 405 and then you can head down to the O.C. and catch the PCH." And the scary thing is, that makes sense. Anyway, I'm down here hanging out with some friends. Dan and Angie were out from Brooklyn and were looking at apartments. They are going to move out this year. Dan is in "the industry" so we talked a lot about movies and television and the projects he's been working on. I felt very L.A. FRIDAY 02.20.04 LOS ANGELES -- While visiting some friends for the weekend I realized just how great wireless networking technology is. I couldn't find the local dial-up number for my ISP, but I realized the apartment I was in overlooked a large courtyard. Thinking that maybe someone had an open wireless Internet connection, I fired up my laptop and BAM! Newly updated blog. Sweet. IN OTHER NEWS: It turns out there is more than one Cha Cha Cha. THURSDAY 02.19.04 This is the best Onion story I have read in a long time. And I don't even know why. But I can't stop laughing. WEDNESDAY 02.18.04 So I watched 24 for the first time in months last night. Damn! I mean -- here's the part where I ruin it for anyone waiting for the DVDs -- he EMPTIED HIS GUN into her. Wow. That was one for the fans. You know, I really like that show, but I just couldn't commit to it for another year. You really can't miss episodes... and there are so many other shows! I had to simplify. I mean, what with Queer Eye AND Scrubs on Tuesday... it's just too much. IN OTHER NEWS: Should you, in fact, shake it like a Polaroid picture? AND FINALLY: Larry David wrote an Op-Ed for the New York Times about his service in the National Guard. "Once, they took us into the woods and dropped us off with nothing but compasses and our wits. One wrong move and I could've wound up on Queens Boulevard. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to find my way out of there and back to the hangar. Some of my buddies did not fare as well and had to call their parents to come and get them." TUESDAY 02.17.04 FROM THE 'THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS BAD PRESS' FILE: The DePauw got mentioned on Romenesko. And somebody should tell him you abbreviate The DePauw "TDP". Not so much "D". MONDAY 02.16.04 The Littlest Groom. Seriously. This is a show. SATURDAY 02.14.04 So, the Bush re-election Web site has posted a press release detailing -- but not refuting -- Kerry's attacks on the president. These include direct quotes such as "George Bush -- he let corporate lobbyists rewrite our environmental laws" and "What George Bush cares about is protecting those at the top." Now, I'm no campaign wizard, but if I were bush I wouldn't repeat attacks lobbed against me. But what do I know? Meanwhile, From the Daily News: Kerry denies affair Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! THURSDAY 02.12.04 74 degrees out today. SEVENTY-FOUR! It's February! TUESDAY 02.10.04 POP CULTURE VIEWED: Yesterday I ran into Mandy Moore and Andy Roddick, who were in town for the Siebel Open. Of course, by "ran into" I mean "stalked." With the tennis tournament this week, Jeffy suggested that we go over to The Grill in case any of the players happen to be there. Me? I don't know anything about tennis and I think the chances of running into any Big Tennis Stars are pretty slim. But I do like a martini. So I was in. We're sitting in the bar for a few minutes and Jeffy spots Mardy Fish. I have no idea who that is, but I'm told he is a Big Tennis Star. Getting his hopes up, Jeffy suggests that maybe Mandy Moore and Andy Roddick would show too. Mandy Moore? Jeffy informs me that they are an "item," as the kids say. And oddly enough, they did show up. Now, I wouldn't know an Andy Roddick from an Andy Rooney, but who wouldn't know the star of How to Deal? Ok, me. But I had at least heard of her. (Remember? She had that one song? When we were in college?) Regardless, we saw them coming out of the restaurant and they waved. That was it. My brush with pop-semi-stardom. IN OTHER NEWS: I bought a pair of jeans from the Gap for the first time today. Look out, late-Eighties! Here I come! SUNDAY 02.08.04 What do Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Juliette Lewis, Snoop Dogg, Amy Smart and Jason Bateman have in common? If you guessed "They're all starring in the Starsky & Hutch movie" you'd be right! Yes, I said "Starsky & Hutch movie." And speaking of television shows being remade into movies... Shepherd points out that we now have Darrin No. 3. YEAH, I KNOW: People have been very helpful pointing out that Chachi was a character on Happy Days. I'm aware. What I want to know is, was Chachi used as an insulting nickname in a movie or something, or was it just that Scott Baio's character was such an annoying tool that using his name as an insult is just natural? SWEET: The Kutch in Dukes of Hazzard DUDE: The Farrellys direct the Three Stooges JUST DON'T: Fat Albert NO SERIOUSLY. DON'T: Mission: Impossible 3 Are you kidding me? Batman: Intimidation END ON A HIGH NOTE: Untitled Andy Richter Project SATURDAY 02.07.04 So I couple years ago I started using "Chachi" as an insulting nickname. Examples: "Hold on a second there, Chachi." "Listen up, Chachi." And the always popular, "can you hand me that pica pole, Chach?" Now some people I know have taken to using this as well. Can you blame them? It's great. Unfortunately, a few people use in incorrectly. I've heard people say, "Man, you're a little Chachi today, aren't you?" I don't even know what that means. But I was checking out the Terry Tate site the other day and you can imagine my surprise when I noticed that, in their latest commercial, they stole my Chachi! So what I'm wondering here is: Where did all this start? I must not have come up with it myself. A cursory Google search was of little help, but it did reveal its usage elsewhere: "It's retirement time, Chachi" "I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." "Let me tell you something, Chachi." "Time out, Chachi." And many more. So where does this all stem from? Anyone out there in pop-culture land know? Anyone? IN OTHER NEWS: The Toronto Globe and Mail can't wait to see Conan's Quake Guy. ALL GOOD THINGS: I watched the "final" episode of Ed and I can only hope that they truly end it now. Last year they had a "final" episode that would have been a fitting end to the show... but then they got picked up for a fourth season. Last night's episode would be just as fitting an end. C'mon, Ed. Michael Jordan had a good exit the first time, and the second time. Let's not talk about the third time. FRIDAY 02.06.04 So how many keys do you carry around in your pocket? A bunch, right? I don't really have that many -- a car key, a house key, a mailbox key and a pool key. But the thing is, why carry around all those keys? Sure, women can do it because they have a purse. But guys have to keep all this crap in their pockets. So to alleviate this inconvenience I carry my car key by itself, leaving all my other keys in my car. Really, it's not like I need my house key while I'm sitting at my desk at work. And anytime I do need my house key I've just gotten out of my car. This plan works great. Well, pretty great. I took my car in to get serviced today, dropped it off and walked home. Fuck. House keys are in the car. Which is in the shop. So I walked back to the garage and got my keys. Good story, eh? LOGIC OF A FAT GUY: I had lunch at the Weinerschnitzel across the street from the garage. I ordered the combo special, which included chili cheese fries, a chili cheese dog, a chili cheese burger and a drink. The drink I chose was Diet Pepsi. No need for those extra calories. WEDNESDAY 02.04.04 NBC's Ed seems to be on the chopping block again. This time around, a group of fans appears to be attempting to buy an ad in Variety in support of the show. And it looks like they could actually do it. What I don't get is why NBC keeps scheduling the show's season finales for February -- months before the next year's programming lineup is set. So the last 3 season finales have left viewers -- and the writers -- wondering if the show would be back the next year. Me? I think it'll be around another year. Might as well get a 5th season in so you can syndicate it. MONDAY 02.02.04 Hey Kids! It's Square Root Day! I have no clue what that means, but I hope it means I get presents! JANET'S PIERCING ALMOST AS WEIRD AS JACKO HIMSELF: America saw more of Janet Jackson last night than it (probably) wanted to when an over-eager Justin Timberlake ripped her costume during their Super Bowl performance. I don't know if the incident was staged or an accident -- MTV did promise "shocking moments" -- all I know is that the New York Post has to have the words "titillating" or "boob tube" somewhere in their paper today. CHECK YOUR POCKET-PROTECTOR AT THE DOOR: Kellie told me last night that she finds my blog entertaining. I told her thanks and said she should leave a comment. She declined, saying she didn't want to look like a geek. So I just I want to take time out right now to tell America that Kellie is not a geek. Nor is anyone else who reads my blog. Right, kids? Right? IN OTHER NEWS: In today's Dear Abby column, Still Lonely in the Midwest questions her recent engagement, saying that when she's with her fiancee, she doesn't feel butterflies. Abby responds that "the thing about 'butterflies' is, if you don't catch them and mount them, they tend to fly away." I don't know what metaphor Abby was looking for... but I don't think that was it. SATURDAY 01.31.04 I think being around a newsroom all the time is having a bad effect on me. This week I caught myself saying, "Well, let's take this shit to the fucking place." The "shit" was some old clothes. The "fucking place" was the Salvation Army. I was saying this to nobody in-particular, as I was home alone and it's not like I hate going to the Salvation Army or anything. I just randomly interjected four-letter words into my inner monologue. I gotta work on that. PICTURE PAGES: In case you weren't checking out my Plog, I added some photos from my trip to Lake Tahoe. And if you were checking it and already saw them: Think again. I added a second page. FRIDAY 01.23.04 Funny: Gay Marriage Poll Gets Annulled Funnier: Where's my personal Jet Pack?! THURSDAY 01.22.04 Here's why people hate the media: A week ago we loved Dean. He was unstoppable. Now we're falling all over ourselves to talk about what a crazy nut-job this guy is. I mean did you hear him? He yelled! And his voice broke! Probably because he is an angry, unstable psychopath with a god complex! What's weird is that nobody wrote a Crazy Dean story when he gave his speech. Everybody saw it, thought it was weird, shrugged their shoulders and moved on. But a day later every newspaper in the country said "We gotta do a Crazy Dean story!" Ug. I knew the level of political discourse was bad, but now it's boiled down to Dean's Weird Yell Spells Doom For Campaign. IN OTHER NEWS: Here's why people love the media: We had a story the other day about a woman in San Jose who lost her dog, found it at the pound days later, but couldn't have it back because it had been adopted -- and the new owners were keeping it. The next day the local talk radio stations latched onto the story so by the end of the day everybody was talking about this heartless jerk who wouldn't give some woman her dog back. And really, who can resist a good story about right, wrong and a cute little doggie? Nobody. So, by Day 3 of Bella Held Hostage, the story was in every paper from San Diego to Toronto. So what happened? Well, after intense media scrutiny, the woman was given her dog back. Huzzah for the media! WEDENSDAY 01.21.04 In iTunes when you buy a song a little box comes up asking "Do you really want to by X song?" It would be good if Apple could add some sort of USB breathalyzer attachment to that. Alcohol + 99 cent songs = bad news. TUESDAY 01.20.04 IO-WHA? My boy John Edwards sure came out of nowhere. A month ago, 60 Minutes said "Edwards can't beat Dean in Iowa or New Hampshire," but he might have a chance in South Carolina. Yesterday, he beat Howard Dean in Iowa and stunned the Democratic field. Rock on. Now I'll be honest, I thought he was a goner. Maybe he was hanging out at a Shoney's in Waterloo with Lieberman and Kucinich, who knows. The point is, now I'm torn. I was all about Edwards, but gave up on him and thought Dean was my guy. Now... I dunno. My dad? He likes Kerry. He thinks the guy is the strongest candidate on national security. He might be right. My mom likes Edwards because he's "nice." She might be right too. The interesting thing is that they both hate Dean. They think he's the worst. Meanwhile, a fourth of Dean's campaign donors are under 30. My friends Dan and Angie have Dean posters plastering their windows and my friend Joe quit his job to join Dean's campaign. Why do younger people love Dean? Why do older people hate him? I think the Democratic Party has a tough choice ahead - and it's going to be between Dean and Edwards. Dean can win over new voters. Edwards can win the South. Kerry doesn't bring anything to the table in a Presidential campaign. Sure, he's got the most experience. Ask Gore how far that gets you. WHO NEEDS RUMOR SITES? I spent most of last week researching the last 20 years of Apple Computer for a package we did on the 20th anniversary of the Mac. The coolest thing was finding out that the Mercury News broke the story a week before the famous 1984 commercial aired. We even had photos. Rock on. THAT'S THE NEWS, I'M OUTTA HERE: I'll leave you with the best headline from Michael Jackson's court appearance last week. SATURDAY 01.17.04 Shepherd and I would like it very much if you checked out Anchorman. 90210 alum Jason Priestley is in a movie that seems to be airing on ABC Family called I Want to Marry Ryan Banks. And it seems ryandanks.com has finally launched. Sorta. WEDNESDAY 01.14.04 WHERE'S ROSS PEROT WHEN YOU NEED HIM? Check out this anti-Bush commercial. Awesome. SUNDAY 01.11.04 So I went to San Francisco on Friday to geek-out with Jeffy at Macworld. It was quite enjoyable, at least for me. I think Jeffy was feeling as if he were not geeky enough to be there. I told him that was hogwash, but I may have been wrong. After walking around the exhibition floor, we ran into a person giving away free iKlear products. Now, I'm never one to turn down something free - whether I need it or not. Jeffy, however, is more skeptical. "You can use them to clean your computer screen." Jeff told her he didn't have a computer. "It'll also clean the screen on your PDA." Jeffy still hesitated. "Do you watch DVDs? It works great on them too." Jeffy finally relented, but as we were walking away asked, "What's a PDA." He lost a geek point there, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him it was a Personal Digital Assistant. Like a Palm. The coolest thing I saw was the HomePod. This thing will stream music from your computer to a stereo anywhere within reach of an Airport network. While the HomePod guy gave us a demonstration, Jeff asked, "What's streaming?" The guy explained, saying that it sent the songs over your Wi-Fi network. "What's a Wi-Fi?" So Jeffy was the Ralph Wiggum of Macworld. I was clearly the bigger geek, a hollow victory to be sure. We wandered over to Apple's area where they had a row of computers outfitted with iSight cameras. I told Jeffy that I was going to try and get my friend Ben Everson on a video chat. I tried it once and Ben didn't pick up. One of the Apple employees came over to help me out. She asked what I was trying to do and I told her I was just trying to get somebody on iChat. She hastily deleted my friend's username and told me the problem was that I was clicking on "a fake username." I didn't really know what that meant, but clearly Ben wasn't answering. So I gave up. But soon I decided to try it again, I went to another station and added Ben's username to that buddy list, but this time I gave him a call to tell him to get on iChat. I gave Jeffy my camera telling him, "take a picture! Take a picture!" This prompted the same woman from Apple to come over again and ask, "Are you guys doing something bad?" "No," I said. "Uh... I'm just trying to do a video chat with a friend of mine in Colorado." She clearly didn't believe me. I couldn't understand what the problem was. Then I looked at the screen. "OH! My friend's name is Ben Everson!" I said. "B-Everson. 'Beverson21' is his sign-on." Fortunately, at that moment, Ben popped up on the video conference window. An Apple "Think Different" poster could be seen behind him. "We're not doing anything bad, we're just geeks!" The Apple woman was relieved she didn't have a couple of perverts on her hands. "Your friend might want to think about getting a new sign-on," she said. "If he ever wants to get a girlfriend." Harsh. But at least we weren't thrown out of the convention or something. I'm just glad Parsons doesn't have iChat. Lord knows what would have happened had I added "Bootelover" to the buddy list. SATURDAY 01.10.04 I was going to do a big "I went to Macworld" post. But man, it's late and I'm too tired to write it. So we'll do that next time. Until then, here's something I posted somewhere else: BUSH TO ALICE: BANG! ZOOM!: President Bush has decided we are going Back to the Moon to establish a permanent Moon Base. Why do we need a Moon Base? My guess is that Bush is worried about the federal court that is trying to claim jurisdiction over the detainees at Gitmo. I'll tell you what: Ain't nobody jurisdictioning shit at the Moon Base. STEALING SOMEBODY ELSE'S POST: Need to call Hank Aaron or Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? At home? Well, T-Ball notes that the AP managed to send out the phone numbers for their sources over the wire. Looks like it was somebody's first shift. BUT SERIOUSLY: I'll do a good Macworld post, I promise. It'll include things like Jeffy asking "What's a Wi-Fi?" THURSDAY 01.08.04 So I was thinking about buying an iSight camera so I could do video conferencing on my PowerBook. I have no need to video conference with anyone, but I still thought it would be cool. Fortt tried to talk me out of it and said that if I really wanted to try it I could borrow they one he got free at Macworld last June. Yeah. Glad I didn't buy one. The slight hitch with iSight is that it's only useful if other people have it. Over the last 5 days I haven't run into anyone on IM to video chat with. Lame. IN OTHER NEWS: Eight great places to go on dates in Chicago. Too bad I don't live there. TUESDAY 01.06.04 YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL: Apple today unveiled the new mini iPod at Macworld. It's much smaller than the current iPod and costs $50 less than the current low-end model. My friend Jon had reported last Thursday that Apple was unlikely to release smaller, cheaper iPods at Macworld and, to be fair, I was right there with him. I figured there was no way they could get the price low enough to make a go of a mini iPod. The thing is, I don't think they did get the price low enough. The mini holds 1,000 songs but for an extra $50 you can get a regular iPod that holds 10,000 songs. So I don't know why you wouldn't get the 10,000 song model because, frankly, 1,000 songs just isn't enough. Trust me. I guess people like pretty colors - witness the multi-colored iMacs - so I'm sure they will sell well. Anyhoo, chalk one up for the Mac rumor sites. I'll be expecting MacOS X-based tablet computers that wirelessly interface with TiVo any day now. IN POP-STAR NEWS: Great headline in Red Eye today. For the Britney Spears non-wedding story: "Near Mrs." Awesome. Shepherd points out in his January 4th post that Britney and Jason Alexander getting married would have made a great Seinfeld episode. And yesterday my friend John forwarded me this from the Chicago Tribune's Eric Zorn:
IN OTHER NEWS: It seems John was mentioned in an article in the Dec. 1 issue of Newsweek. I'll add that, when in San Francisco, John and I drank at the 21st Amendment and dined at Cha Cha Cha. MONDAY 01.05.04 THINGS I WANTED TO BUY YESTERDAY: Ok, I didn't really want to buy a digital camera. But I wanted to exchange the one I got for Christmas for a different one. I got a Fuji FinePix F700, and it's pretty good. But it's 3 megapixels. I'm thinking maybe I need to get the Nikon Coolpix 4300. It's bulkier, but you can attach lenses to it. And it's 4 megapixels. Anybody have any thoughts on digital cameras? I need help. I've researched a bajillion cameras and I still can't make a decision. Seriously, I've spent months looking at cameras. I bought my car in two days. THINGS I DIDN'T WANT TO BUY YESTERDAY: Speaking of my car, I noticed I had a flat tire yesterday. So I tried to pump it up using this portable pump that plugs into your car's cigarette lighter. But after awhile it wasn't getting any better, so I unplugged it and figured I'd better take it in and get a new tire. But when I tried to start my car I realized I'd killed the battery trying to pump up the bad tire. So then I had a flat tire and a dead battery. Rock on. I had to call AAA to get a jump but stunningly the dude arrived in less than 3 minutes. Seriously. It was like BAM! He was there. Tremendous. But then I took my car to Sears only to learn that I'd had my tires for 50,000 and it was time for a new set. Six-hundred dollars later I was on my way. Suck. SEARCHES THAT POINTED PEOPLE TO MY SITE THIS WEEK: swingers sex clubs indianapolis swingers club bear lake michigan son fuck mom gallery and photo and pics and all free sex los angeles beagle puppy adoption locations SATURDAY 01.03.04 So I've been listening to the new Dave Matthews album, Some Devil. ["Dave Matthews sucks! Dave Matthews is a sell-out! Go to hell, frat-boy! Take your khakis with you!" Blah blah blah. I like Dave Matthews. Screw off.] Anyhoo, it's pretty depressing. I mean, Dave has many a depressing song, but this whole album is Music to Kill Yourself To. Okay, maybe not, but still. I liked Busted Stuff better. Grace is Gone? Bartender? You can't beat those songs with a stick. [Yeah! I know! Those are depressing songs too. But I like them. Ug, just go look at the pretty bow, ok?] NEW YEAR'S DAY 01.01.04 Holy crap! That loaded fast, didn't it? Yes, as a little New Year's Gift to you, dear reader, I archived my old posts so this page will no longer take such a God-awful long time to load. I'll try and do that more often. Another thing I'm going to try and do: Post photos more often. Not necessarily of Big Events, but everyday stuff too. Some might call it a photo log - a plog, if you will. Enjoy. Want to read the old stuff? Check out my posts from 2001-2003. |