Jon's way or the highway
Bobbi Kay doesn't care
Heather feels like it's late now
It's more than Leah can bear

Powers is waiting out the distance
Mohl's got a graphic late-night
Pete's head is heavy and his sight is dim
Burr's got opinions to write

Ehlman's dancing on deadline
Getting laughs from Kidwell
McCuan dreams of studying later on
ATO crashes and that's shot to hell

Sig Chis lit up the lounge chairs
And our year's underway
SAE burns a couch on the lawn
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to The DePauw, let me warn you
Such a lovely case; Kappa might bomb the place
Living it up at The DePauw, let me warn you
We cross our fingers tight; and hope we got it right

Parsons is definately twisted
Covering sports end to end
Macking like Richard on the pretty girls
He tells Jill are just friends

Mona's looking for Zielke
She's gonna quit
Matt fell off right when Carolyn came
But we forgive and forget

Weaver, J.K. and Slabaugh
Have stories Parsons wants in
Clutter meant to cover last night's game
But she was tired and slept in

Now Jaime, Kara and Gadiel hack away
Kenney's up in the middle of the night
We think we hear him say

Welcome to The DePauw, let me warn you
Such a lovely place, Clarence's sleeping space
Clucas is calling the cops from The DePauw, let me warn you
With Rader's nice surprise, circulation's high

Ads are through the ceiling
Karen and Emily's price
And we know - Christa's just a prisoner here
Of that fiscal device

Andy and Siel make brief changes
Sudds takes pictures wish ease
We stab Mentzer with our steely knives
But he won't turn in his piece

Last thing Jeffs remembers
Fenlon was running for the door
Neal's got photopinion in on time
Briget's better than we've had before

Relax in the newsroom
We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave