"Right Douglas? Right? Good Idea."
- Mr. Reimers

"What I'm trying to say is that tomorrow's today and we've got to do it over again."
- Jimmy Buffett

"Nevermore"
-The Raven

"Shaking like a Mexican Space Shuttle."
- David Letterman

"Be Careless"
- Chuck

"I thought we were the advanced group, CHUCK!"
-Sarah

"Let me tell you a story..."
-Kenny Ostos

"90% of everything is crap."
-Theodore Sturgeon

"Oh who cares? It's the school's money."
-Joslyn

"The King of Watermelons is here!"
-Niçoise Beach Vendor

"It's NOT German, thank you."

"Where are we going? Morocco?"
-Mike

"Keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided."
-Casey Stengel

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
-Yogi Berra

"We made too many wrong mistakes."
-Yogi Berra

"It ain't over 'til it's over."
-Yogi Berra

"I'm not always right but I'm never wrong."
-Al Gibson

"Open your eyes, and look within. Are you satisfied, with the life your livin'?"
-Bob Marley

"Join the Army now. Travel to exotic and distant lands.
Meet exciting and unusual people and kill them."
-Bumper Sticker

"If you reach for the stars you may not get one,
but you won't come up with a hand full of mud either."
-Dr. Mac's Thought for the Day

"What part don't you understand, the buh or the bye? Buh-bye."
-Helen Hunt

"If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch."
-Big Dogs

"If we wern't all crazy we would go insane."
-Jimmy Buffett

"We all got it commin'"
-Clint Eastwood

"You know you are addicted to caffene if you've ever killed a guy for switching
your regular coffee with Folgers Crystals."
-Dave Letterman

"If we couldn't laugh at things that didn't make sense
we couldn't react to a lot of life."
-Hobbes

Quotes from Steven Wright

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I was an only child, eventually.

I lost a button hole.

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?'
I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator.
When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole
car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it'

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel
over what I considered to be an odd number.

I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.

I got a dog and named him `Stay'. Now, I go `Come here, Stay!' After
a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile.
It's a bitch to fold it.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of
my yard or I'll throw it at them.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every
so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got
a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

Sponges grow in the ocean ... that *kills* me. I wonder how much deeper
the oceans would be if that didn't happen.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit
here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

My girlfriend asked me if I slept well. I said no, I made a couple mistakes.

I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms
from the statues that are in all the other museums.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology
experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of
the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

In school, every period ends with a bell.
Every sentence ends witha period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a
kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me
if they can help me, and I say,' Have you got anything I'd like?' Then
they ask me what size I need, and I say, ' Extra medium.'

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he
can get me five.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all
the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it....

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier
they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says "I'm home now. But
leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time".

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
-Steven Wright

"My life is a one-way dead-end street."
-Steven Wright

"Only you can prevent forest fires, that's right. It's ALL YOUR FAULT!"
-Steven Wright

"For Here? No. To go? No, I'm taking it to another dimention,
I'd explain it but then your head would explode."
-Steven Wright

"I was born eight and a half months pre-mature. Doctors were freaking out."
-Steven Wright

"They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take a chance?"
-Ronald Reagan

"If I could go back and start over somehow
I would not change that much
Knowing what I know now"
-Billy Joel

"I don't have all the answers ... yet"
-Billy Joel

"You're sicker than the average bear."
-Reimers

"I'll be a whore...I'll be a prostitute."
-Mr. Blain

"When I grow up I'm going to start a chain of
atomic model conveinience stores called 7-Electrons!"
-Mr. Vickers

"So little of what might happen, does happen."
-Salvador Dali

"Everything I say is either brilliant or hilarious."
-Mr. Blain

"Is this dress like your favorite English teacher day?"
"What do you mean, Mr. Abbot has on a Polo Shirt today."
-Mr. Blain and Withers when they were both wearing the same thing

"It's better to be a pirate than to join the Navy."
-Steve Jobs

"Check your life, I'm swimming!"
-JT "Big Head" Taylor

"What's up, Jones?"
-Brandon Walsh

"You can never underestimate the intellegence of the American masses"
-Dr. Mac

"Speak softly and carry a big stick and you will go far."
-T.R.

"Dare to be great."
-T.R.

"Its better to be quiet and thought a fool
than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
-Samuel Clemens

"If A is success in life then A=x+y+z.
Work is x; y is play; z is keeping your mouth shut"
-Al Einstein

"Don't let school, get in the way of your education."
-Mark Twain

"Academics are useless"
-Paul Huber

"Not so fast El Guapo!"
-Lucky Day & Vickers

"In a way, all of us have an El Guapo to face some day.
For some, sinus might be their El Guapo.
For others a lack of education might be their El Guapo.
For us, El Guapo is a big dangerous guy who wants to kill us.
But as sure as my name is Lucky Day,
the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo
who also happens to be the actual El Guapo.
-Lucky Day (Steve Martin)

"When you don't know where you're going, every road will take you there."
-the Rabbi from Northern Exposure

"We're gonna make our dreams come true, doin' it our way."
-Laverne &Shirley

"Our generation has a rendezvous with destiny."
-FDR

"3DHY503"
- Liscense plate on OJ's White Ford Bronco

"There is a fine line between love and nausea."
-the King of Zamunda in "Coming To America"

"That's beautiful! What is that? Velvet?"
-Coming to America

"He played the police officer on a very sepcial episode of 'That's My Momma.' Now...can I get a round of applause...for Jackson Heights own... Mr. Randy Watson, and his band!"
-Coming to America

"He beat Joe Lewis's Ass."
-Coming to America

"Weddings are always fun. Much better than funerals."
-Billy Mock

"I'm the Rosetta Stone."
-Mr. Ski [on Calculus as a second language]

"If we had God booked and O.J. Was available, we'd move God."
-Larry King

"That's like sittin' in the electric chair and getting to decide A/C or D/C"
-Mr. Ski

"When trouble erupts
and power corrupts
I'm sure you'll all agree
I'm just a little bit superior to thee."
-the Church Lady

"Conscience doth make cowards of us all."
-Hamlet

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies & statistics."
-Samuel Clemens

"The answers are all easy, if you know them."
-Alex Trebek

"Just because you are a charicter doesn't mean you got charicter."
-Wolf from Pulp Fiction

"Be Kool and the Gang"
-samule L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction

"Warmer...warmer...disco."
-Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction

"All generalizations are false."
-Mr. Blain

"Just be as nice as you can to everyone and take their money."
-Roger Craig, US Monopoly Champ

"Shakespeare has stood the test of time, his books are still in print even today, hell my books are out of print and I'm not even dead yet."
-Mr. Blain

"In the long run we are all dead."
-Keynes

"Retail is for suckers."
-Kramer

"He shot the Porsche!"
- Graf (Zuck) responding to Toni Marchette's murder

"Always remember your zip-code."
-Kelly Taylor

"Ha! Ha! Livin' Bitch!"
-Zuck (Graf)

"Make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here."
-Mr. Glover

"Those aren't failures. Those are 4,000 things we know don't work."
- Thomas Edison

"Don't turn my place into some kind of frat sty."
- Brandon Walsh

"Sometimes, I really hate being such a good guy."
-Brandon Walsh

"How many men does it take to do laundry? None, that's a woman's job."
-Sam Franklin

"That's called your problem."
-Bill Skillcorn

"It is somewhat Grishamesque."
-Mr. Blain dicussing Act IV of Hamlet

"David Grey"
-Mr. Parker

"The trouble with foreign policy is that it involves foreigners."
-White House Aide

"Oli, Satan called. Said he'd call back later."
-Chris Little

"Do you know why do I want to put that ice cube
in my mouth and lick you all over?"
"Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it?"
- Julia Roberts and Matthew Perry in Friends

"Urban Assult Vehicle"
-Jay Archibald Leach

"Egg, Bacon Cheese on a bagel"
-Crystal

"Shukin' & Jivin':
-The Dukes

"Finish that mother"
-Mr. Blain

"Freedom of stuff."
-Ted Baker

"Not too many men have PMS."
-Mr. Davies

"Reject the hell out the null hypothesis."
-Mr. Davies

"Bitch can carry her own damn bag."
-Mr. Davies

"Cross all the t's and dot all the lower case j's."
-Wayne

"Would you like to have dinner some night?"
"I like to have dinner every night."
- Honey Horné and Garth

"Take me Garth!"
"Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket."
- Honey Horné and Garth

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

_______________________________

Quotes From The Movie "Airplane", Flight Two-Zero-Niner

"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

"Nervous?"
"Yeah."
"First time?"
"No, I have been nervous lots of times."

"Do you have anything light [to read]?"
"How about this leaflet: Famous Jewish Sports Legends."

"Cream?"
"No thank you, I like it black...like my men."

"You got a letter from headquarters."
"Headquarters! What is it?"
"It's a big building with generals in it, but thats not important right now."

This woman must be taken to a hospital!"
"A hospital! What is it?"
"It's a big building with doctors in it, but that's not important right now."

"There's a problem in the cockpit."
"The cockpit! What is it?"
It's a little room with doctors in it, but thats not important right now."

"How soon until we can land?"
"I can't tell you."
"You can tell me I'm a doctor."
"No, I mean I don't know."
"Can't you make a guess?"
"OK, maybe in two hours."
"You can't make a guess for two hours?"

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit taking amphetamines."

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

"That's when I developed my drinking problem."

"Can you face some unpleasent facts?"
"No."

"Flying a plane is just like riding a bicycle, it is just harder to put baseball cards in the spokes."

"What can you make of this?"
"Well, I can make a hat, or a boat, or a pteradactyl..."

"I just want to tell you good luck. We're all counting on you."
-Dr. Rumack

"Surely there must be something you can do?"
"I'll see, and stop calling me Shirley."
-Dr. Rumack

"That's not important right now."
-Airplane and Airplane II

"I never heard of him. Well, that's not exactly true, we were like brothers."
-Buck Murdoch in Airplane II

"Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes."
-Buck Murdoch in Airplane II

______________________________


"The rest is silence"
-Hamlet

"Dante's Infirmary."
-Mr. Blain

"English is the lesser of 5 evils."
-Ted Baker

"They're not going to catch us. We're on a mission from God."
-Elwood

"Me and the Lord, we got an understanding."
"We're on a mission from God."
-Jake and Elwood

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes,
it's dark out, and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it."
-Elwood & Jake

"Are you the police?"
"No ma'am, were musicians"
- Elwood

"It's a little childish and stupid, but then again, so is high school."
-Ferris Bueler

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."
-Ferris Bueler

"Who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be facist-anarchists.
It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car."
-Ferris Bueler

"Bueler...Bueler...Bueler"
-Ferris Bueler's Day Off

"When Cameron was in Egypt's land...let my Cameron go."
- Cameron Frey

"Nine times."
-Ed Rooney

"Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God
that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
-George Kestanza

"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy
than a success at something I hate."
-George Burns

"Welcome to Home E. Cheeze's, where a kid can be a kid,
unless he get on my damn nerves."
-Homey the Clown

"I don't think so, Homey don't play that."
-Homey the Clown

"I find your lack of faith disturbing"
-Darth Vader

"Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?"
-O B Wan Knobe

"The force will be with you always"
-O B Wan Knobe

"You must unlearn what you have learned"
-Yoda

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

"All too easy."
-Darth Vader

"Everyone brings joy to a room,
some when they enter and others when they leave."
-Anonymous

"Well, you've squandered another hour watching car talk."
-Klick & Klack

"Let your last days be an exclamation point, not just a period."
- Travis Tysinger

"In twenty years, will it matter?"
-Mr. Reimers

"Nobody's any good but us."
-Bond, Tom Bond

"I don't know where I'm going , but I'm going nowhere in a hurry."
- Steve Goodman

"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.
And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, wanting that money."
-Jack Handy

"I don't need a BMW, I've got a Mercedes."
-Corey Haim or maybe Feldman I don't know

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
-MacBeth

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achive mediocrity,
and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."
- Joseph Heller

"People who met him were always impressed with how unimpressive he was."
-Joseph Heller

"No fate."
- Terminator 2

"You all are such smart asses."
-Mr. Blain

"Blain's World"
-Ted Baker & Andy Tennille

"That is a second grade answer."
-Princeton English prof. Dr. Flemming to Teddy B.

"What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."
-Phil Conners in Groundhog Day

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth.
I assisted in furthering that version."
-Oliver North on the Iran-Contra Scandal

"What is politically correct? Does that mean you have to lie?"
-Bob Davies

"OK so you miss that one. You can't know them all."
-Bob Davies

"If you can't win, change the rules, if you can't change the rules, ignore them."
-Anonymous

"Start at the top and work your way up."
-Anonymous

"NEE!"
-The Knights of Nee from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"I'm in hell. Somebody keeps singing songs from Annie."
-Max from Pickett Fences

"Yesterday in this space I predicted that the wold would come to an end,
it did not however. I regret any inconveinience this may have caused."
-Anonymous

"I aint perfect but I sure am pretty."
-Bo Duke

"Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty I'm free at last."
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King

"Only in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman."
-Blain on Mike Jackson

"I'd rather be lucky than good, but fortunately I'm both."
-Dr. Mac

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society."
-Mark Twian

"You don't have to change the world, just dont let the world change you."
-Colman McCarthy

"I don't care if your Jesus Christ, your stuck."
-MC

"If I had it to do all over again, I'd screw it up some other way."
-Anonymous

"Compromise is the vaselene of political intercourse."
-Steve Stancill

"It's all fun and games until someone looses an eye. Then it's just fun."
-Anonymous

"Don't get in trouble, and if you do don't get caught."
-Dr. Mac.

"If asparagus is better than nothing, and nothing is better than love,
then asparugus is better than love."
-Anonymous

"Never tell me the odds."
-Hans Solo

"You can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man no time to talk."
-Bee Gees

"If you can't impress them with intelegence, baffle them with BS."
-Frank Anderson

"I love school, too bad classes get in the way."
-Zack Morris

"I am an FBI agent!"
-Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves)

"School is like being a parapalegic. You just sit there and get food shoved down your throat."
-Granger David

"Be careful if you don't know where your going because you might not get there."
-Yogi Berra

"Change to fit the truth."
-Tump's editorial comment on an article

"You could argue with me but if you did you'd always be wrong."
-Ben Hale

"A man does not automatically get my respect. He must first get down in the dirt an beg for it."
-Jack Handy

"If a kid asks where rain comes form a cute thing to say is God is crying.
If he asks why God is crying say probably becaus of something you did."
- Jack Handy

"Sometimes I thing I would be better off dead.
No, wait, you."
- Jack Handy

"The future looks bright...but so do oncoming headlights to a deer."
-Tump

"I'm high on Jesus!"
-Jesus Freak


"You signed up, your going."
-Dave Glynn

"They're all whores, they're all prostitutes up at APS."
-Mr. Blain

"Love Cools is a trashy novel."
-Mr. Blain

"Oh go ahead and read the damn rules."
-Mr. Blain

"That's the single most obnoxious noise that a human being can make."
-Mr. Blain

"It's a literary allusion to Love Cools. OK, maybe not,
but it's safe to say since nobody has read it."
-Andy Tennille

(The above quotes were made when Colin Gallahan visited our Democrat Class
because he was going to miss his Republican Class due to a weekend.
We got nothing done.)

"You gotta represent."
-Sunset Park advertisement

"Make no little plans"
-Danie Burnham

"I'd better be careful I don't get my porn sites mixed up with my statistics sites."
-Mr. Davies

"You are one of the outstanding students who will be recognised at the Academic Assembly..."
"TO: All seniors who received a D or an NC in a subject..."
-Two notes that I found in my student box

"I'm an asshole."
-Kenny Royer

"Whenever I hear the word sucks, I thing of you."
-Tim O'Meara to Mr. Blain

"I'm one of the APS whores"
"What's your street name?"
-Mr. Blain and Worth

"I did not feel like wading through a bunch of arithmatic to see where you went wrong."
-Mr. Davies

"Just what we need, a Druish Princess."
-Spaceballs

"Funny, she doesn't look Druish."
-Spaceballs

"They've gone plaid."
-Spaceballs

"Commence Operation VacuSuck."
-Spaceballs

"Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck!"
-Spaceballs

"If I am occationally overdressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over educated"
-Algernon from The Importance of Being Earnest

"If we don't suceed we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions
and have a tremendous impact on history."
- Dan Quayle

"He had demonstated his ability to get votes from women."
-Bush on Quayle

"Does America really need 70% of the world's lawyers?"
- Dan Quayle

"I am not part of the probelm, I happen to be a Republican."
- Dan Quayle

"We should concentrate on procecuting the rapists and burglars who are a menace to society."
- Dan Quayle

"I deserve respect for the things I did not do."
- Dan Quayle

"My friends, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right."
- Dan Quayle

"I'm debating Danny Quayle. The boy's retarded."
-Ex-Indiana Sen. Birch Bayh, defeated by Quayle

"I stand by al the misstatements I've made."
- Dan Quayle

"I have as much experience in the congress as
Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency..."
- Dan Quayle

"[The US should] work towards the elimination of human rights in El Salvador."
- Dan Quayle

"We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur."
- Dan Quayle

"[the Gulf War was] a stirring victoy for the forces of aggression against lawlessness."
- Dan Quayle


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy.
But that could change."
-Dan Quayle

"Hawaii has always been a very pivitol role in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States
that is an island that is right here."
-Dan Quayle

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a -- it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
-Dan Quayle

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind - or not to have a mind
is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-Dan Quayle

"I've always loved California, I used to live in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle

"I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman."
-Dan Quayle

"I have made good judgements in the past.
I have made good judgements in the future."
-Dan Quayle

"This isn't a man leaving with his head between his legs."
-Dan Quayle on John Sununu

"Us men are tired of loosing our women."
-Dan Quayle on Breast Cancer

"the greatest planet on earth."
-Dan Quayle on the United States

"Okay, I wont open it until then."
-Dan Quayle after receiving an empty box and being told the gift would be ready soon

"I should have cought the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, 'You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.'"
- Dan Quayle, actually quoting Andrew Jackson

"I should have known that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since he got his nickname 'Stonewall' by vetoing bills passed by Congress."
- Dan Quayle

"The U.S. Has a vital intrest in that area of the country."
-Dan Quayle referring to Latin America

"It's wonderful to be in the great state of Chicago."
-Dan Quayle

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
-Dan Quayle

"If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us."
-Dan Quayle

"That's for you to figure out."
-Dan Quayle when asked what he meant

"It isn't pollution that is harming our environment. It's the impurities in our air and water tat are doing it."
-Dan Quayle

"This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States."
-Dan Quayle

"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia.
We begin bombing in five minutes."
-Ronald Reagan in a Radio Address,
unaware that the microphone had been turned on

"Now we are trying to get unemplyment up and I think we are going to succeed. "
-Ronald Reagan

"If they did not detonate, you must exonerate."
-Johnny C. (Christopher Buckley) on the bombs found in Kaszynski's cabin

"Just close your eyes and think about Christmas."
-Joe Friday in Dragnet

"The trouble with foreign policy is that it involves foreigners."
-White House Aide

"Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."
-Spaceballs

"He's a yankee?"
"He's from California. If you're from California you're not really anything."
"You said it."
-Days of Thunder

"A man can't control the length of his llife but he can do something about its width and depth."
-Anonymous

"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"Everyman dies. Not every man really lives."
-Bravehart

"Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."
-Vigo

"Women. You can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."
-Norm

"ED's got AP US"
"Why don't we do the whole class in abbreviations?"
"A OK"
- Blain and Dean

"I don't read this for the porn, I read it for the articles."
- Skillcorn

"3ABM209"
- Brandon Walsh's Mustang

"Some times your the bug and sometimes your the windshield."
-Betsy

"1-900-410-TIME. That is US Naval Time. Everything else is bull shit.
The clock on the wall behind me? Bull shit, Navy time. Clock in the hall? Bull shit, Navy time.
Those bells in East College? Bull Shit, Navy time. Everything else? Bull shit."
- Dave Berque

"On my teacher evaluation forms a lot of students said I was a model teacher so I felt really good.
Then I looked up model in the dictionary and it said 'small imitation of the real thing.'"
- Dave Berque

"Does it ever bother you how incestious this little group is?"
"I try not to thing about it."
- Claire & Brandon

"On my honor I will do my best
To help myself and screw the rest."
- Prof. Calvert

"We felt the institution no longer had anyting to offer us."
- Raising Arizona

"Do it my way or watch your butt."
- Raising Arizona

"You're young and you got your heath, what do want with a job?"
-Raising Arizona

"Do these blow up into funny shapes?"
"No, not unless round is funny."
-Raising Arizona

"Your generation doesn't know shit."
-Prof. Grey

"Twas the night before classes
and all through the dorm
all the students were saddened
depressed and forlorn"
-Me

"He who walks down the middle of the road gets hit by traffic going both directions."
- Prof. Calvert

"We're Americans! Do you know what that means?
It means that out forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world."
- Stripes

"After fall break I may no longer be teaching here. You see, over the weekend I got this
letter in the mail and it seems that I may have already won $1 million dollars."
- Dave Berque


"A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits."
-Richard Nixon

"I'm wrong, you must be right again."
-The last thing you will ever hear a woman say

"My mother wears Liz Claiborne. I wear Ann Taylor."
- Jen Monty

"Alcohol: the cause and the solution to all of life's problems."
- Homer Simpson

"Never take no cutoffs."
- Virginia Reed, member of the Donner Party

"You'll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator."
- The Simpsons

"The 3 little sentences that will get you through life:
Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss!
Number 3! It was like that when I got here."
- Homer Simpson

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
-Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann