The San Jose Media News

Word on the street is that the MediaNews will announce it is buying the Mercury News this afternoon.

THIS JUST IN ...

Scotty did a heckuva job. But our top story is that the world welcomed the birth of the TomKitten. The best coverage came from MSNBC's Keith Olbermann on the Countdown, who "broke in" to his own broadcast with an NBC Special Report -- complete with fancy graphics and the NBC overture and whatnot. The broadcast also included these headlines at the bottom of the screen: BREAKING NEWS: FIRST BABY FOR TOMKAT!!! BREAKING NEWS: SHE'S CALLED SURI!!! BREAKING NEWS: SEVEN POUNDS, SEVEN OUNCES!!! BREAKING NEWS: SUIR CRUISE IS HERE!!! BREAKING NEWS: SHE'S 20 INCHES LONG!!! BREAKING NEWS: WORLD REJOICES: TOMKAT BABY IS BORN BREAKING NEWS: ALL HAIL SURI CRUISE DAUGHTER OF TOM AND KATIE BREAKING NEWS: SURI CRUISE: 7 LBS, 7 OZ, 20 INCHES NOT AT ALL GLIB BREAKING NEWS: OLBERMANN FORCED TO COVER SPAWN OF FAMOUS WEIRD GUY BREAKING NEWS: BABY, MOM AND DAD ALL HEALTHY ... PHYSICALLY, THAT IS BREAKING NEWS: AT 20 INCHES, SURI IS NEARLY 1/3 AS TALL AS HER FATHER BREAKING NEWS: KATIE HOLMES ON BIRTH: "________________"

MTV'S CLONE HIGH U.S.A.: THE COMPLETE-ISH FIRST SEASON

Nothing to do today? Good thing. Because for the next 5 hours you're going to be watching the entire run of MTV's Clone High U.S.A. right there on your computer.

Episode One ESCAPE TO BEER MOUNTAIN: A ROPE OF SAND Gengis: "I am 21! I am not 21!" JFK: "Get off my dingy! Not you." Episode Two ELECTION BLU-GALOO JFK: "Ask not what your Student Body President can do for you. Ask what you can do to your Student Body President." Episode Three A.D.D.: THE LAST 'D' IS FOR DISORDER Tom Green: "So some of you may have been mean to a kid with ADD. That's not cool. Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag." Episode Four FILM FEST: TEARS OF A CLONE Scudsworth: "Maybe we could have dinner. Perhaps the Olive Garden. It's like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!" Episode Five SLEEP OF FAITH: LA RUE D'AWAKENING JFK: "I can stay 'up' ALL NIGHT LONG! I accentuate the 'up' and also the 'long' for what I hope are obvious reasons! So let's get back together and bone up! On the PXJTs! (Guess what the 'P' is for... )" Episode Six, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 HOMECOMING: A SHOT IN THE D'ARK Jon D'Ark: "That Joan of Arc is one tasty piece of bitch." Episode Seven PLANE CRAZY: GATE EXPECTATIONS Ghandi: "G Spot rocks the G Spot!" Episode Eight RAISIN THE STAKES: A ROCK OPERA IN THREE ACTS Jack Black: "Are you ready to say no to drugs? Because if you don't say no to drugs, you're going to say yes ... to regret. And believe me I know a little something about regret. I regret the time ... that I got high ... and wrote a hit song that made me insane amounts of coin. Coin I used ... to buy more drugs. ... And a motorboat. ... And a house for my mom. ... Plus, I gave some to charity." Episode Nine A ROOM OF ONE'S CLONE: THE PIE OF THE STORM Mr. Butlertron: "I'm walking on sunshine. Whoa. Oh." Episode Ten LITTER KILLS: LITTERALLY Featuring the janitor from Scrubs as, well, the janitor: "Ponce was like a son to me. Probably because he was my foster son." Episode Eleven, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 SNOWFLAKE DAY: A VERY SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE Abe Lincoln: "It's just not snowflake day without a lamb taco!" Episode Twelve, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 MAKEOVER, MAKEOVER, MAKEOVER: THE MAKEOVER EPISODE "Makeover, Makeover. Makeover, Makeover. Makeover, Makeover. MAKEOVER!" Episode Thirteen, Part 1, Part 2 CHANGES: THE BIG PROM: THE SEX ROMP: SEASON FINALE Cleo: "Abe ... It's sex o'clock ... it may have sounded like I said the number 'six'. But instead I substituted it with a more suggestive word. 'Sex.' "

Watch it while you can. Thank me later.

GATOR GLORY

Yikes. So not only is Katie Couric seen as worthy of taking over the CBS Evening News anchor desk, but it looks like NBC thinks the best journalist to replace her is Mereidth from The View. TV News. Gotta love it. (Okay, so that didn't have anything to do with the Gators. But I figure if everyone else is going to use that headline why shouldn't I?) MEANWHILE: Check out New Knorr F****n Entrees.

IF YOU AIN'T NO PUNK

Holla 'We want prenup!'