BARTLEBY LIVES?

Since John can't seem to post to his own blog, I'll blog up a post for him: In yesterday's Chicago Tribune, the following graph is found in the middle of business reporter David Greising's review of Disney Wars, by James Stewart: "Stewart and I have served together as trustees of DePauw University, our alma mater, where he succeeded former Disney theme parks Chairman Judson Green as chairman of DePauw's board of trustees." Wow.

PERHAPS THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE WATER ON HUMBERT 4

So my freshman year in college I became really good friends with four girls that lived on my floor. All but one of them has gotten married. This morning there's an e-mail in my inbox from the lone unmarried one with the subject line "Big News!" and the preview line of the message is "I have some exciting news from Boston. Yesterday, as Bill & I were wandering around Boston Common, he got" I'm just going to stop right there. I think we all know where this is going.

THE TENDER CRISP BACON CHEDDAR RANCH

Well it looks like Hootie has his his biggest hit since "Only Wanna Be With You" on his hands. The lyrics: I love the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch The best they grow on trees And the streams of bacon ranch dressing Flow right up to your knees There's tumbleweeds of bacon And cheddar paves the streets You get to veg all day All the lotto tickets pay There's a king who wants you To have it your way That's the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch The Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Yes, Hootie is doing jingles for Burger King. And I'm not sure which is scarier: The fact that Hootie has fallen so far, or the fact that someone with a blog called "Scattered Thoughts" wrote the same thing today. (And yes, I know Darius Rucker's name is not Hootie. But it's funny to call him Hootie. In the same way that calling Craig T. Nelson "Coach" is funny*.) * Please note that I have, in fact, called Craig T. Nelson "Coach." Picture it: The Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Craig T. Nelson tees off on the 12th hole. Ball lands right in the center of the fairway. I shout out: "NICE SHOT, COACH!" T-Ball can attest.

SO BEST

So did you read that Wired story about celebs going to Apple Stores? Yeah well, as Defamer points out, neither did Jeannette Walls. In an item that seems like something straight out of the Onion, the MSNBC gossip columnist reported that Kevin Smith "frequents a place called Genius Bar" but is often pissed when he has to wait. Which makes me realize that Apple Stores would be way cooler if they served beer. And there's no reason they couldn't tune that big screen into the game... ITEM! Gawker points us to an excellent reason for Larry King to read my blog. An excerpt from his interview this week with Growing Pains star Tracey Gold:

KING: [After the accident], did you hear from people in the industry or, like, support from “Growing Pains” people? GOLD: Yes. Absolutely. Well, the interesting thing was, we were doing publicity for the “Growing Pains” movie a month after the accident, so… KING: There was a “Growing Pains” movie? GOLD: Yes, we did a reunion movie when I was, like, nine months pregnant with my baby. KING: When is that going to air? GOLD: It aired. KING: Oh.

"BOTTOMS UP!" SAY NEW DUCK OWNERS

You may have read recently that Toppers, a Greencastle dive bar and DePauw student hangout, was bought by a University administrator and her husband. They plan to "get the riff raff out of there" and create a place where students can go and "not worry about rules or regulations" -- whatever that means. Anyway, now comes word that our belove-ed Duck has been purchased by DePauw along with the rest of the Walden Inn. Now, it's not like DePauw wasn't running the show at the Walden already, but this means that, of the 4 bars in town (The Pub, Toppers, Moores and the Duck), half are under the thumb of Univeristy administrators. That leaves students with The Pub and Moores -- and students ain't going to Moores. So that leaves a campus of perhaps 1,500 drinking-age students with one viable bar to patronize. And that bar can hold maybe 100 people. So I don't know about you... but I'm moving to Greencastle and opening a bar. And I promise you we will not be serving any steaks.

OVER A THOUSAND SERVED

Monday, February 21, 2005: After about four-ish years of blogging, the kenneymarlatt.com Inter-Web Site has crossed the 1,000 Monthly Visitors threshold. When I started this thing I figured my friends might - might - check it out every once in awhile. But I certainly don't know 1,000 people. Which leads me to ask: Who are you people? Why are you throwing away your lives? Go out! Do something! This blog isn't even about anything for chrissakes. ALSO: www.springfieldisforgayloversofmarriage.com (Seriously. This is what you're coming for?)

DAMN SPOT

More from the SND Judging in Syracuse: T-Ball is ready for his close-up. WHILE YOU'RE UP: I came across this old New Yorker article about Tina Fey. It includes this great quote from Lorne Michaels: "There’s a group of people who feel Tina can do no wrong in my eyes. But that’s because she’s just wrong less often than other people."

A KINDLY REQUEST

Dear SND Judges and Assistants, DO: Call me drunk from the SND judging in Syracuse with insider information about how the judging is going. DON'T: Call me drunk from the SND judging in Syracuse merely to point out that you are, in fact, in Syracuse. And drunk. These facts are a given and need not be pointed out. The fact that you are also singing karaoke is also of a "given" nature. Thank you.

DEAR CHICAGO: LET IT GO

So, a while back Harry Caray's Restaurant bought the Bartman ball and blew it up. As if that weren't enough overkill, now they are stewing up the remains and serving them over pasta. Seriously. ALSO: The Edge points us to an online archive of the Ear No One Reads. For you non-newspaper folk the "ear" is the little bit of type you see in a lot of newspapers in the top right corner of a section front. Usually, the "ear" points you to a story or something inside the section. For a few years, the Washington Post's Sunday Style section decided that nobody reads them so instead they put funny bits like "Help, I'm Trapped in the Typesetting Machine" and "We Pander to No One, Not Even Our Wonderful Advertisers." It's kinda like The Funny we had buried on page 2 of The DePauw... except it's in the Washington Post. AND IN OTHER BLOGS: Looks like Newsdesigner did some remodeling.

TIVO WILL NOT CHANGE YOUR LIFE

You should go read "Questions Frequently Asked About TiVo, Answered by Someone Who Loves TiVo Too Much" in The Morning News. [via electric honey]

BRRRR.

HIGHLAND PARK, IL -- Why do I keep burning my vacation time going to places that are cold? Why?

NEVER WORK WEEKENDS.

I just saw an ad for USA Today on ESPN that had the tagline, "Never dull. Never tedious. Never miss a day." Never miss a day? Never miss a day unless you count, you know... "Saturday." Or the oft forgotten "Sunday." Just sayin'.

FIVE-MINUTE POST

Some of this stuff has been sitting on the shelf for a while. Maybe you have some use for it. Knight Ridder is planning to launch free dailies and smaller, tabloid-size editions of its papers... I wrote another bar review... Clutter gets a new job at WTHR... Gizmodo shares how to hack an iPod into an iPod Shuffle... a Blue Stater expresses his distaste for the south... some dude makes fun of people at a Star Wars convention... and a waiter relates some funny bits about tipping.