HOLLYWOOD FUTURE MACHINE

So I don't know if you've seen the latest instance of Hollywood's trampling on our beloved childhood memories, but Entertainment Weekly had the same reaction to the Raven Symone remake of Adventures in Babysitting that I did: "Have you no shame?" If you, too, are horrified by this development, I suggest you go visit DontFuckWithTheBabysitter.com, a site set up to monitor the remake's development. Anyway, all this seems like a good segue into a list of Future Movies (And Some TV Shows) That I Swear Are Real. (Look 'em up!) Thor (Ironic, what with the above remake) The Incredible Hulk (because the first one wasn't incredible enough) Jurassic Park IV (there was a III?) Knight Rider Rainbow Six (actually, I'm surprised this hasn't already been made) Star Trek XI (directed by J.J. Abrams and rumored to star Matt Damon as Kirk) Terminator 4 Voltron Untitled Star Wars TV Series Untitled Clone Wars TV Series Washingtonienne (how much mileage can this woman get out of sleeping around?) CHiPS (with Ponch played by ... wait for it ... Wilmer Valderrama) Dallas (with Travolta playing J.R. Ewing -- huh?) The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning (Willie Nelson returns as Uncle Jessie, but nobody else does) Fahrenheit 9/11 1/2 Magnum P.I. (Hollywood: Don't fuck with the Magnum either) Mrs. Doubtfire 2 (That RV money has already run out) Old School 2 (yeah, I'll go see it. dammit.) Ocean's Thirteen (this one too. I hate myself.) Pee-wee's Playhouse: The Movie Reno 911!: Miami Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Transformers (somebody at one of the studios has been watching too much I Love the 80s) Untitled Jon Heder/Sumo Project (they should just call it that)