THERE'S NO-PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

HIGHLAND PARK, IL -- So as many of you know I used to live in the suburbs of Chicago. We moved to Virginia when I was 10, but my parents still kept an apartment here. The problem I keep having is that I invariably run into somebody my parents know... but most of them haven't seen me since I was 10. So EVERY conversation goes like this:

PARENT: And you remember Kenney... PERSON WE'VE RUN INTO: Oh my gosh, this is Kenney? I remember you when you were this [insert gesture indicating smallness] tall! I remember you used to [insert anecdote from when I was said size]!

I've tried to write a couple things in this graph that would be funny. But they aren't working. So, moving on... POST-DISCOVERED: It seems an employee of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch was fired for publishing a blog that contained perhaps one too many snarky comments about his job. In his blog, he notes that he was forced to write "hideously lame" stories and attend the weekly features meeting "which is the single most useless thing I do every week." I might note that this guy, who acts like some sort of Mellencamp fan, thinks Johnny Cougar grew up in Iowa. C'mon, guy. Indiana and Iowa, despite popular opinion, are not the same state. But the point is, there are lessons to be learned here regarding items about work and, as a precautionary measure, I have removed the posts about that time my boss killed a guy. OH CWAP! In all my Festivus excitement I completely forgot about Decemberween! ALSO: How Hollywood picks gifts for celebs.